pitching to the rhino

Trying to woo the large and/ or unattractive lady around last call at any given bar.

When I failed to land the hot blonde's number at 1:30 am last night at the bar, my wingman , suggested that I try pitching to the rhino.

Rhino

A large and/ or unattractive woman found at the bar during last call. Usually found preying on intoxicated men who have struck out throughout the evening. Taking one back to her place will often result in a coyote ugly.

After the rough night I had striking out, I decided that I would have four more shots and settle for the rhino at the end of the bar.

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canal measuring contest

The female version of a dick measuring contest.

She interrupted Bill and Dave, arguing over who had the biggest tires on their Jeep, with "I'm not getting into a Canal Measuring Contest with you two!", knowing it would eventually lead into another Nascar discussion. This, in fact, served the purpose of calling them women without them getting the joke.