Canonise the Saint

When a gentleman ejects his balls with such force that it sends the receiver backwards and leaves them with a halo of semen around their heads.

I decided canonise the Saint Shirley last night. Now that bitch is floating up to heaven. God bless.

Wank tomb

A secluded place where one goes to browse porn and masturbate. One will often not emerge for some time. Sometimes referred to as a ‘Man Cave’.

I’ve just lost my job so I spend most of my days sealed in my wank tomb.

7👍 1👎

Squat pan

Asian toilet that often consists of a whole in the floor and two designated foot markings to align oneself

Where’s Larry?

Oh, he’s frying up some turds in the squat pan

7👍 1👎

Poop Staff

A stick or large pole reserved specifically to chop and mash giant turds that fail the usual two flush method.

Grab the poop staff; this one’s not going down without a fight.

Cuck Rock

A sub-genre of rock in which the and music lyrics are about sleeping with another man’s girl while he is none the wiser.

Notable mentions include songs like Jessie’s Girl and Scotty Doesn’t Know.

Scotty had no idea he’s dancing to cuck rock and was even singing along to the lyrics:

Scotty doesn’t know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday.

She tells him she’s in church but she doesn’t go.

Still, she’s on her knees and Scotty doesn’t know.

shit down protest

The act of unfurling a log of faeces while at work with the intention of ‘sticking it to the man’.

Johnny is staging a shit down protest because his boss made him work a Sunday. He’s been in there for four hours.

Toiletsmith

A gentleman who makes a living giving out sprays of eau de toilette in the gents toilets.

He was a proud toiletsmith. Like his father before him.