wokewash

To shamelessly increase diversity, inclusion, and references to modern-day issues in a story to promote social justice. The opposite of whitewash.

Writer: “I’ve got a movie idea! Let’s do the moon landing, except all the astronauts are morbidly obese paraplegic non-binary Muslim Australian aboriginals!”

Director: “Brilliant! This is your best idea since we won that Oscar for ‘D-Dayversity’, the story about the Normandy invasion except with all autistic pansexual transgender Kalahari bushpeople. You can wokewash like nobody I’ve ever seen!”

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barleywine

The greatest style of beer ever to grace the earth. Typically clocking in upwards of 8% ABV, this wine-strength beer is the motherlode of malty goodness, and is the preferred style of the highest echelon of cicerone s. There are two sub-styles, American and English, the former of which has more hop flavor and bitterness. As heavy hopping is appropriate in an IPA but destroys the pure heavenly flavor of this glorious beer style, a preference for American barleywine has been linked in scientific studies with brain damages, taste bud disorders, and early onset dementia. "Barleywine" is also generally considered to be a synonym of "life", thus giving rise to the common expression "Barleywine is life", or BiL for short.

Albert Einstein: "I just discovered the special theory of relativity, which Is the biggest breakthrough in theoretical physics in centuries. Also, I prefer American barleywine to English and hazy IPAs to barleywine in general."
Master cicerone: "Yeah, sorry to break it to you brah, but I think you may be mentally retarded."

from the gate

Since the beginning or from the start of something. Similar to from the get-go.

"Slow down baby / Let you know from the gate I don't go down lady"
- Fat Joe, "What's Luv"

Ted: "How long have you been living next to this gate?"
Will: "From the gate."
Ted: "So if I asked you where you were from, would you say you're from the gate?"
Will: "Hell yeah, I've been from the gate from the gate."

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Barry Bonds*

A baseball player who, as of the end of the 2007 season, had a record 762* home runs.

In 2007, Barry Bonds* hit his 756th* home run, passing Hank Aaron for the all time record*. He also holds the single season record* of 73* home runs. Previous single-season record-holders include Mark McGwire*, Roger Maris, and Babe Ruth.

Bob: "Barry Bonds in the 1990's was a hell of a player, wasn't he?"
Joe: "Yeah, but his numbers pale in comparison to what Barry Bonds* put up."
Bob: "Who's that?"
Joe: "You know, that guy on the Giants with a watermelon-sized head who set all those records*."

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CDO

Acronym for collateralized debt obligation, a funding tool that banks use to package up a bunch of bonds (often subprime mortgage backed), then divide the package up into new bonds and sell them after skimming a few million dollars off the top. Usually called "diversified," but if you've got dog shit, horse shit, ape shit, and elephant shit, then you can call it whatever you want, but at the end of the day you're still just holding a gigantic pile of shit.

A way of putting lipstick on a pig that banks milked the hell out of from the mid-1990's til 2007. Unfortunately the banks got totally Bear Stearned when everyone saw through the lipstick and they were caught holding a whole sty of CDO pigs.

Banker: "I've got this great investment for you. It's called a CDO."
Sucker: "Um...I've heard bad things about those. What's so good about this one?"
Banker: "It's diversified! It's got subprime mortgage bonds from Kansas, subprime mortgage bonds from Georgia, subprime mortgage bonds from Nevada, and subprime mortgage bonds from Michigan!"
Sucker: "I've heard bad things about subprime - do you have anything else?"
Banker: "Of course! This other CDO is even MORE diversified. It's got Ninja loans, loans to homeless people to buy crack, Iraqi government debt, and loans to people that need some money to bet on the roulette wheel in Vegas. Of course there's almost NO chance that any of those people won't be able to pay back what they owe."
Sucker: "SOLD! Give me $10 million of it!"

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like aggregation

A principle that basically states that things of similar composition will eventually tend toward the same location because they are similarly affected by wind/ocean currents, magnetic fields, and other forces.

Examples are hairballs from dogs/cats and giant masses of condoms people have found in the ocean.

Brad: "...so that was like the third time this year that my sister has been hit in the face with bird shit! I wonder why that happens to her so much."
Jeremy: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of like aggregation? Dee dee dee!"

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turkey bomb

A redneck version of a Jager bomb or car bomb. Involves dropping a shot of Wild Turkey bourbon into Shiner Bock beer.

Judd: "After y'ins had all those turkey bombs last night, Cletus was so hogged up that he passed out in the holler with his face in a cow patty."
Ricky: "Well I'll be darned if that ain't the craziest thing I've heard in a dog's age! Slap your grandma!"

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