Crotonitis

Definition: Crotonitis is a degenerative mental condition common among males, and is especially prevalent around high school age. While it is not “life threatening”, it is considered by many experts on the subject to be a “life wasting” disease because while it doesn’t shorten lifespan, it may significantly reduce the quality of life lived. Common symptoms include laziness, atrophy of muscles, and frequent desire to talk about how tough you are, without being able to back it up.

Cause: No one single source can be pin pointed as the cause of crotonitis. However, it is believed that some major causes include the “everyone is a winner” attitude, first popularized by the hit television series Barney & Friends in 1992, and the ability of youths to talk trash to each other over Xbox Live while knowing that they will never have to actually confront the individual they are talking trash to in person.

Cure: There is no cure to crotonitis that can be purchased over the counter or prescribed by a doctor. The only known effective treatments involve hours of rigorous training each week over the course of several months or even years, to the point where significant amounts of sweat and/or blood may be lost.

Person 1: I'll kick your ass
Person 2: Bring it on
Person 1: I meant on COD: Black Ops
Person 2: Crotonitis

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