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The ultimate family fantasy trophy is named after the most common saying of a beloved Aunt who passed a few years ago.
In true family spirit- having fun with fooling around and busting balls to build comradery, the team managers decided to create an acronym for the âCome on Kurtâ Trophy and play the annual seasons for the âCOK.â
It is the most prized trophy of any and all fantasy football leagues.
Player 1: âThanks to Scott, who was the first champion of the SFFL, for his selfless dedication to aunt Margie, declining the right to name it after him for being the first winner.â
Commish: âThe Come on Kurtâ trophy will now be named the âCOK.â Fran will still never win it though because his team always sucks!
Player 2: Yunkle Terry always cheats because he wants to get his hands on the COK!
Player 3: Timmy will always be tricking the guys into fighting hard for the COK because itâs funny as shit!
When the cousins all meet in Tampa and want to have a good time- and they end up dragging a dead weight cousin around all week.
Damon and Terrence flew to Florida for a Weekend at Bernie and Steveâs! Damon didnât want to go to the strip club though because he was scared his wife would kill him - so Terrence has to drag him around all weekend
Somebody who lifts weights, wears oxygen reduction exercise masks, has more âWe The Peopleâ shirts then most people have socks, has a ball cap with either MAGA or Trumpâs smirk face on it, and carries around an aluminum, gallon-sized Thermos water bottle that clangs like a flagpole on a windy day because he has it carabiner-clipped to his 80 lb MOLLE system backpack.
This guy also designs memes all day long to really bust on his friends but gets really mad when they do it back. He also gets multiple suspensions from Facebook from his crude and insightful language and harsh stereotypes expressed.
Still, he is good buddy, but likes to get everyone else in on a joke against you just to keep you humble. He is still an asshole though.
Gay Greg took that picture of me and my wife and superimposed Bidenâs face over hers. He captioned that we were best buds and if you looked closely our hands were on each otherâs butts. Gay Greg is an asshole. He still
makes me laugh, though. He doesnât know I wiped my ass on his water jug. I laugh every time I hear him clanging down the hall because I know he is taking sips of my poo!
When the Philadelphia Phillies have everyone believing in them and all their hopes and dreams are riding on a World Series Championshipâ¦but Ben Franklinâs curse strikes again and they fall short.
That is a Phucking Phailure.
The Phillies blew 2 games in the NLCS and then were forced to go to game 7. Vegas had them as the favorites to win the World Series. They Came out flat in Game 7, at home, and lost to the Arizona Diamond Backs. The Philadelphia Phans were stunned by this Phucking Phailure and will spend the off season pleading for the Eagles to give them some hope as they crave a champion in this town.
When your company says they fought hard for a raise - but knew there wasnât enough money in the budget and a reduction in pay was coming.
So you get a raise for the last 3 months of one fiscal year and then they pull it back as the new fiscal year startsâ¦then initiate a cut in pay, essentially wiping out your pay raise and even making you poorer.
Person 1: Hey, did you see we are getting a TSA Pay Raise this year?
Person 2: Yea, here comes 3 months of pay at the rate we deserve and then a fiscal year take back followed by a reduction in pay.
Person 1: There goes my morale. I think Iâm going to try being a truck driver.
That guy that always brags about his shit. He always has the best, the only, the original, and the thing nobody else could have.
There is no way to impress Top Tier Travis and youshouldnât even try because you will have to endure 1000 texts about his greatness with complete denial of any of his weaknesses.
He does have a nice wife, but she always travels without him. She seems to wear the pants in Top Tier Travisâs house. He would never admit it though!
OMG, Top Tier Travis just started a company and he is texting that his ideas were first, he copyrighted them, and every company wants his services. I looked on Yelp and he received 20 reviews all saying âwhat and assholeâ but they had fun on - business trip with his wife last week when she gave them TTTâs referral.
When cousins are all at the beach surfing, and one has a totally hairy chest while the others are all baby-seal-slick, that hairy cousin has Francis Fur.
Francis Fur grows like a genetic mutation, and can not be easily shaved. Razors clog and break so tree trimmers are needed. Francis Fur creates enough static electricity on a dry winter day to power a house for a week.
Francis Fur has a Velcro effect and must be covered by a cotton shirt, preferably one with a 4 leaf Irish clover logo on it, in order to prevent static cling to any item.
During a family get together, Uncle Kurt told everyone a surfing story:
âWow, when cousin Steve, went surfing with cousin Damon, they were riding a wave and really carving the tube. All of a sudden, both boards got magically stuck in the water and they both flew off into the rotor.â
âWhen they cam up, both boards were stuck to cousin Fran, who had been body surfing in the path. Apparently, his Francis Fur velcroed the boards because he didnât have his t-shirt on.â
âLuckily, neither Steve nor Damon were injured when the boards were ripped out from under them.â