Chicago Ted

we were fighting infected all across the square
the scent of their blood was in the air

a witch in the courtyard gave us quite a scare
and things only got worse from there

when a hunter grabbed bill and thrashed him in twain

francis was hung by a smoker as he howled in pain

zoey with her pistol and took careful aim
she fired 2 shots, but it was all in vain

just then, when all hope had been burned and bled
the infected all scream and turned and fled

clothed in a flannel shirt blue black and red
came an angel of Badass, named Chicago Ted

with his twin shotguns a blazing, he slaughtered that horde

till he got bored of that, and switched to his sword

his cap coated in blood, while us he ignored
for the thrill of the hunt was his own reward

now he was no chuck norris, dont get me wrong

but ted could do this crap all day long

the survivors lept up and fought along
but ted would do this work for a song

with corpses piled as high as can be
Ol' ted lit a smoke, and howled with glee

as he used his sword to carve knotches you see
into his belt, a thousand times 53

as a tank round the corner, we filled up with dread
but he just laughed an shook his head

with a powerful holler the wild savior said

"NO ZOMBIE IS SAFE FROM CHICAGO TED!"

'Chicago Ted' makes my manhood feel less manly.

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