Pillsbury Baking Process

In today's day and age we don't have time to do our daily activities. We must learn to multitask in order to be as efficient as possible. How could one possibly expand their anus and make Pillsbury brand biscuits at the same time if not by the use of the Pillsbury Baking Process. The goal of the process is simple; it is not only to stretch out ones rectum, but also to bake some nice, crispy Pillsbury brand biscuits in the meantime.

The steps are as follows:

Step 1: Insert an unopened tin container of Pillsbury Brand Biscuits up your anus, be sure to open the sphincter to avoid causing damage.

Step 2: Once the tin is entirely submerged within the lining of your anus, go for an extensive period of exercise. Go for a run, a mountain bike adventure, or whatever your heart desires. The goal is to raise your internal body temperature.
Step 3: During the height of your workout, if all steps of the process were done correctly you will hear a significant *pop* sound. Do not worry. This is natural as the tin has opened thanks to the significant increase in pressure due to the increase in surrounding temperature.
Step 4: Let the biscuits drop onto the floor and be prepared to enjoy your new anus AND your fresh biscuits.

Son: Mother, I heard a popping noise come from your tuchus, did you happen to break your hip?
Mother: Do not be afraid, young child. For I was just using the Pillsbury Baking Process to craft some rolls for our family dinner on this fine evening. Would you like one?
Son: Oh hell yeah I love booty biscuits.
Mother: Well thanks to the Pillsbury Baking Process they'll slide right out.