Karen

Karen was born between 1982-1993. She drives a silver 2003 Volvo and uses two parking spots. Her hair is either a pixie cut or a bowl cut and is usually combed to one side. Karen is between slightly overweight to obese because she bullies fast-food managers into giving her free food. Typically this is done by threatening to report them for racism. Karen has two sons and a daughter, named Tim, Hunter and Elizabeth. Both sons are violent and out of control. They throw tantrums when they don't get a 240g bag of lollies because Karen needs to use the coupons to buy nappies for her princess. Karen will make her either suffering or equally as awful husband change Elizabeth, of course because she doesn't want to wipe a shitty asshole. Elizabeth's breathing is noisy because Karen refuses to believe that Elizabeth is allergic to the undercooked eggs she forced her to eat this morning. Karen will have a fit when told that the coupons expired in 2014 and even if it was valid, she was still quite short of money due to the full sugar cokes, cigarettes and huge bags of junk food. "Fuck the sugar tax", Karen moans. "Bring me your manager! I'm gonna get you fired!" She yells at the sobbing teen behind the counter. The manager bans Karen from the store as bystanders call the police, video her and post it on social media, or starts typing up the story on r/entitledparents. Karen is forced outside in handcuffs as her kids are brought home by her husband.
Don't be like Karen. Karen's an ass.

"I'm breaking up with you, so you should give me half your things!"
'We were together for a week, and nothing in this house belongs to you, you damn Karen. Get off my property before I call the police."

fun fact: I had to shorten this because apparently there's a word limit

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end my misery

A. What you say when you say/do something embarrassing in public.
B. Something you say because you actually want to die and it's a signal for help but everyone think it's a joke

A. Random Guy: waves

Me: waves back and then realises it wasn't for me
Also me: end my misery
B. Me: end my misery
Everyone else: lol
Me: tHaNkS fOr ThE eMoTiOnAl SuPpOrT

John Wick

A guy who's famous for being the world's famous spy, simultaneously making him the world's WORST spy.

"Dude, this new John Wick movie just came out! Wanna go see it?"
"They all have the same plot. Argh, who gives a crap they're good."

Turtlehead poking out

When you really need to poop and are in the car, opening your front door, etc. and you feel as if the turd is beginning to force its way out. This may actually be happening or just a sign that it will if you don't get to the toilet fast enough.

"Mom, please hurry up!"
"I'm at the speed limit, Fred! What could be so important that you would risk casualties?"
"Please, I've got a turtlehead poking out, Mom!"
"Urgh, Fred..."

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Girlfriend

Something you will never have.

"Father, I have gotten my girlfriend pregnant. What should I do? She wants to keep it."
"Son, it's time I teach you about condoms. I never taught you, seeing as I believed your face would be enough protection."

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Hmm

The sound you make when you;
1. are cheating on, or don't know the answers on the test, but to avoid the teacher's attention, you fake being in deep thought.
2. Someone close to you (in person) asks you a very confusing question (usually for the jokes) or a very hard question, you make this sound while thinking about it, before answering.
3. are in deep trouble, usually with a significant other or parent, and when they ask you something along the lines of "What did you do wrong?" trying to make you confess so you feel guilty. If you decide to piss them off further, you make this sound despite knowing full well what you did wrong.

(1.) Jim: cheating on the test, when he notices the teacher is coming
Also Jim: Starts rubbing his chin "thoughtfully" "Hmm..."
Teacher: may have noticed what he was doing, may have been oblivious, but the anxiety of whether the teacher knew or not would be eating Jim up from the inside.
(2.) Friend: "What came first, the chicken or the egg?"
Me: "Hmm..."
Also me: "Well, the egg, because evolution occurs through childbirth and..."
(3.) Pissed off GF: "What did you do wrong tonight?"
BF: decides to be an asshole "Hmm... I don't really know! What did I do to ya?"
GF: becomes a literal tomato "YOU ASSHO-" throws something at him

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AAAAAAAAAA

the sound you make when u stub ur toe

{Stubs toe}
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAA

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