homosplit

When a male and female are married, but one or the other realizes they are attracted to the same sex and leave their partner for a new homosexual relationship.

Lots of people suspected Lisa was a lesbian, so when she married a man people were surprised. A year later when she homosplit with her husband, people responded by saying, "It's about time she came out of the closet!"

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colder than a two peckered billy goat

Phrase used in the Midwest United States that means "It's really cold".
Often used in rural areas by senior citizens or those over 50.

The temperature dropped to -5 degrees during the daylight hours. My grandmother exclaimed, "It's colder than a two peckered billy goat out here." I agreed and retorted, "It's colder than a well digger's ass"

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blister shaft

A male sex organ afflicted with a sexually transmitted disease

Rebecca decided to herpes fuck John. He had a gross blister shaft, but he was really hot. She made him wear a condom so she figured she would be safe.
Two days later her pubic hair started itching. She didn't get the herp, but she crabs.

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scrum methodology

An agile methodology primarily used for software application development related projects where you talk more about what you are going to do and spend less time actually doing it.

"Do we really need to have these update meetings every 2 hours? You want to know what I did for the past two hours, I was in other meetings, just like the two hours prior. I haven't wrote jack shit for code, but I am really getting sick of hearing Brenda say, 'Can you see my screen now?'"
Project manager responds, "We practice Scrum methodology here. If you don't like it go to Diane's team, they use Crystal Methods"
Stoned application developer responds, "Crystal Meth? Where is Diane's team?"

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Mister Oklahoma

Euphemism for a female masturbating.

It is derived from the shape of the American state of Oklahoma and its resemblance to a hand with a protruding finger that can be used to stimulate the vaginal cavity.

"Well, Johnny canceled our date to go take care of his sick mom," Elizabeth complained.
"That asshole!" her friend Jayden exclaimed.
"I was fucking horny too," Elizabeth replied.
"You can always take Mister Oklahoma out tonight."

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religass

Someone who claims to be morally superior but gleefully revels in the downfall or destruction of others.

When Stephen Hawking died, hundreds of religassess came out and announced joyfully, while feigning sadness, that he was burning in hell for denying god.

The religass love natural disasters because it gives them an opportunity to blame it on god being angry with homosexuals.

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cat poop pussy

When a woman lives in a house with a lot of cats and the cat litter boxes never get cleaned, permeating the air with the smell of cat shit, it causes the vagina and vulva to absorb the cat poop smell.

My friend stuck his fingers in my face when we were at the store
"Ugh!" I gasped, "What the fuck is that?"
"It's Melissa's vagina, I was fingering her."
"Damn, all those cats she has gave her cat poop pussy."

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