executive time

A time in the morning before going to work when one is pooping while debating on Twitter, Facebook, or some other social media. It may also include watching videos or playing games on your cell phone.

Similar to "Twitter Shit."

1) The president enjoyed executive time so much that he often didn't make it to work until 11:00 AM.

2) My boss yelled at me for being late to work. I replied to his complaints, "I have to get executive time in or the day will just be a waste."

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plug and blame

When you take a shit and plug the toilet, then come out and state, "Somebody plugged the toilet."

John had to poop real bad while he was at work. He ran to the office restroom and let it go. It was such a relief to let it all out, it gave him a case of the hungry shits. It also packed the toilet. When John went to flush, it didn't go down. John was in a dilemma, so he snuck out of the toilet real quick and ran to find the janitor. "Hey, Ed," John said to the janitor, "somebody plugged the toilet."
Ed replied, "Are you trying to plug and blame again? You did that 3 times this week. You think I don't realize 'somebody always plugs the toilet' just when you happen to need it? Asshole. Do us a favor and shit at home."

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dick 'er bun

Redneck way of saying "have anal sex with her".

"I don't know Billy Bob," Cletus said, "but lately mine and the ol' ladies sex life hasn't been so good."
"dick 'er bun!" Billy Bob exclaimed.

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scrum methodology

An agile methodology primarily used for software application development related projects where you talk more about what you are going to do and spend less time actually doing it.

"Do we really need to have these update meetings every 2 hours? You want to know what I did for the past two hours, I was in other meetings, just like the two hours prior. I haven't wrote jack shit for code, but I am really getting sick of hearing Brenda say, 'Can you see my screen now?'"
Project manager responds, "We practice Scrum methodology here. If you don't like it go to Diane's team, they use Crystal Methods"
Stoned application developer responds, "Crystal Meth? Where is Diane's team?"

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Mister Oklahoma

Euphemism for a female masturbating.

It is derived from the shape of the American state of Oklahoma and its resemblance to a hand with a protruding finger that can be used to stimulate the vaginal cavity.

"Well, Johnny canceled our date to go take care of his sick mom," Elizabeth complained.
"That asshole!" her friend Jayden exclaimed.
"I was fucking horny too," Elizabeth replied.
"You can always take Mister Oklahoma out tonight."

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religass

Someone who claims to be morally superior but gleefully revels in the downfall or destruction of others.

When Stephen Hawking died, hundreds of religassess came out and announced joyfully, while feigning sadness, that he was burning in hell for denying god.

The religass love natural disasters because it gives them an opportunity to blame it on god being angry with homosexuals.

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cat poop pussy

When a woman lives in a house with a lot of cats and the cat litter boxes never get cleaned, permeating the air with the smell of cat shit, it causes the vagina and vulva to absorb the cat poop smell.

My friend stuck his fingers in my face when we were at the store
"Ugh!" I gasped, "What the fuck is that?"
"It's Melissa's vagina, I was fingering her."
"Damn, all those cats she has gave her cat poop pussy."

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