I don't have a dick to give

When you have the desire to give advice or weigh in on a situation, but you don't have the information or expertise needed to do so. No tools in the toolbox despite a desire to help. (Typically used by those without dicks, but could be quirkily used by those who do.)

Them: "Hey can you help me translate this love letter? It's written in Polish."
Me: "Ah, sorry buddy, I don't have a dick to give on this one."