Matt Simon

Commonly known as “Molly Matt”(because he loves molly his gfs name), he’s the sweetest boy who would never touch drugs or alcohol. NEVER. He respects the law and would never do something like public urination. Matt hates fraternities and believes they are no fun and doesn’t want anything to do with partying. He also LOVES black people.

Man1: “Dude it’s Matt Simon!”
Man:2 “I know people call him Molly Matt because he just loves his gf”
Man1: “Wait I thought it was because he took Molly?”
Man2: “Mchale shut the fuck up.”

Nick Gasparino

Kid that’s always caught eating something. “Pro” baseball player that has the nickname “Gasman” for his fast pitches and for his frequent farts. Often hits on younger girls usually named Jesse.

Girl 1: is that Nick Gasparino
Man 1: yeah he’s the best pitcher on the team
Girl 1: Is he single?
Man 1: No he’s dating the hottest 8th grader

Satvik Repaka

Satvik is so kind and a great friend. Until he gets drunk. He suddenly starts yelling “shut the fuck up” to everyone and insists that Jalen Brunson is his boy. But it’s ok because he blacks out and basically it never happened. Also he’s known as “Slavevik” to his guests.

Man1: “Yo Satvik Repaka is the best!”
Man:2 “I know he’s boys with Jalen Brunson”
Man1: “Damn he blacked out again. Wanna draw a dick on his face?”
Man2: “Hell yeah!”

Philip Ogrady

A boy that usually is being a Grady and plays baseball. Also lawl

Man1: “Is that Philip Ogrady ?”
Man2: “Huh yeah it is, LAWL”