five minutes

The best response to temporarily put off, or get out of, nearly anything. Most effective when combined with the terms "Like" or "About." Contains many useful applications:

1) Buying time

2) Fooling the other person into thinking you will do something when you actually have no intention to, and hoping they forget

3) Using it multiple times until the desired effect is achieved

(see below)

ex1) "Hey son, would you pause that game and clean your room for me?"
"Sure. Just gimme like five minutes."

ex2) "It's your birthday today? Of course I know...hey I'll be over in about 5 minutes and we'll hang out." (unsuspected birthday gift card run to the supermarket, as if you actually remembered)

ex3) "Good morning honey, time to get up for work."

"MMMyeah...in Five minutes."

(One hour later)

"Hey it's been an hour--get up already!!"

"Alright, alright.....in five minutes."

39👍 8👎

you tube feud

A feud between two idiots held in the "Comments" section of a YouTube video. Starts on-topic with the video then turns into an ugly and usually immature competition of who can spew the most self-proclaimed knowledge in an attempt to "win" the argument, as if anybody actually cares.

Witnessing a you tube feud is as simple as searching YouTube for any controversial topic (abortion, racism, animal research, etc.) selecting one of the top videos, and scrolling down to read the user comments.

Sample you tube feud:

YouTuber1: "The above video fails to mention how (topic) mostly is the result of (pointless opinion)."

YouTuber2: "@YouTuber1-That's pathetic. Let me tell you a thing or two about (topic), it's called (pointless opinion)."

YouTuber1: "@YouTuber1- I'm not sure where you get your information, but you misunderstood what I said. If you had just READ MY POST, you would have understood that. The whole point of (topic) is that (pointless opinion)..."

And on and on and on...

38👍 5👎

Fi-jack

–verb (used with object). The act or instance of hijacking an unprotected WiFi signal from a nearby wireless network without the owner knowing it. Best conducted whilst sitting as inconspicuously as possible near a window to avoid exposure; also because Wi-Fi signals travel better through glass than through solid walls.

1) "Hey John I know you're on the road but I just wanted to see if you got my e-mail."

"Yeah man, I just pulled over in front of some random house and fi-jacked their wireless connection with my iPod to check on it. Looks good."

2) "Hey John how much are you paying for internet access?"

"Actually nothing. My neighbors are dumb enough to leave their wireless network open, so I just Fi-Jack them them all day long."

17👍 3👎

USB Dance

The act of flipping over the end of a USB device again and again to make it go the right way into a USB port. The longer the dance (i.e., any more than 2 flips), the dumber one appears.

I just watched my boss do the USB Dance with his flash drive for OVER A MINUTE trying to fit it into his computer. It was seriously was the highlight of my day.

13👍 1👎