tenesmus

An overpowering, incredibly painful sensation of your “backdoor” demanding to defecate (aka drop a deuce, colon cannonballs, butt driblets, digested Crayola box), with the inability to produce any colon candy (aka stool, feces, fecal matter, waste) despite a valiant, laborious effort.

Butthole Spasms, period cramps in your asshole

The anal equivalent of the urgency accompanied by a urinary tract infection. Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now… but you can’t.

“A lady and a man got into an argument, the woman started screaming about a pain in her butt and the man renounced her claims and stormed off…. The woman tried to yell, “ It’s not you, it is my tenesmus acting up.”

“A patient came into the emergency room complaining of a severe pain in her anal sphincter accompanied by the failure to evacuate her bowels, the doctor diagnosed her with tenesmus. ”

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Stepmother

A slang term used to describe an exceptionally painful hangnail. Most commonly used among older generations in western Pennsylvania, specifically Pittsburgh.

I just got lemon juice on my stepmother and it hurts like hell!

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