Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children

Used by the Final Fantasy franchise to corral some customers back. Was originally supposed to be released in the fall 2003, but as of now, downloading it illegally is the only way it can be viewed.

Final Fantasy 7 was the first game in the series to be featured on PlayStation. In a bid to appeal to more gamers, the series deviated from more medieval settings and characters to settings and characters reminiscent of anime, which was gaining popularity around the late 90s. Cloud's spiky hair and superhuman strength reeks of DragonBallZ, Tifa's enormous breasts reek of hentai, and Red XIII's talking animalhood reeks of Pokemon. Consequently, Final Fantasy went from having a fanbase of 1,000 to 1,000,000 overnight.

Compounding the effect was the fact that the internet and online message boards and chats were a new thing, so not only are there new fans, but they can easily converse about Final Fantasy 7, God's gift to gamers and anime aficionados. Eight years pass and the popularity of anime is now at epidemic levels, and Final Fantasy 7 is regarded by many as the best RPG ever. People are crying for a sequel.

Squaresoft is now in a tenuous position. Despite them throwing FF7 references and crossovers in every game, and despite the later titles being more in-synch with earlier titles, people didn't like Final Fantasy 8, 9, X or Tactics for the simple reason that they were not Final Fantasy 7. Everybody wants Final Fantasy 7-2. Square decides to give the fanboys and girls what they want, and Before Crisis, Dirge of Cerberus and Advent Children go into production. Rumors of a FF7 remake for PS3 are all over the internet. Square is officially in business again.

Advent Children, much as the game that inspired it, is an anime movie. Essentially, it is one long fight scene with a bit of plot mixed in. The only characters with a role are Cloud, Tifa and Vincent. Sephiroth, the main villain, makes a 90 second cameo to fight Cloud, and Red XIII, Cait Sith, Cid, Barret and Yuffie make 90 second cameos to fight Bahamut.

How exactly Sephiroth managed to come back is never explained; where Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo came from is never explained; how Kadaj became Sephiroth is never explained; the full story of Geostigma is never explained; the plot holes from the game were never covered up nor explained, and how Aeris and Zack continue to exist is not explained.

In short, it's a lot like the game.

If you like anime, you are a loser.

If you think Final Fantasy VII is the best game in the series, then it was obviously your first Final Fantasy and you have no idea what the series is about. You are a loser.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children is nothing more than CG anime.

Hence, if you like Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, then you are a loser.

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Harriet Miers

George W. Bush's personal attorney. Was nominated by Mr. Bush to take Sandra O'Connor's place as Supreme Court Justice so Bush could have an easier time getting unconstitutional laws passed, but she declined under heavy opposition from Democrats and Republicans alike. A major blemish on Mr. Bush's already pockmarked presidency.

Person 1: Bush's approval ratings are the lowest they've ever been!

Person 2: What do you expect? Turning a trillion-dollar surplus into a trillion-dollar deficit, the Katrina aftermath, the CIA leak scandal and crook Vice President, the 2000 dead soldiers, the snubbing of our Allies, the "internets", Osama still at large, and now Harriet Miers?

Person 1: Oh yeah...I'm starting to understand...

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