heaven

When you die, it is the place you go if you are lucky enough to have selected the right religion. Once there, you will be able to spend an eternity in a Sunday School-like setting. You won't be bothered by the likes of Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, or Thomas Jefferson. Instead, you'll spend your time hanging out with people like Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and Jimmy Swaggart. You'll also get to sing hymns like "Nearer my God to Thee" or "Bringing in the Sheaves." Naturally, non-Christian music will be banned, as will sexual intercourse or inappropriate literature. Your television viewing options will be limited to the ABC Family Channel and HGTV.

These activities will continue for billions of years and will in no way make you wish you were dead.

I can't wait to go to heaven!

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