turtle test

A turtle test is when you're not sure if you need to fart or shit, so you relax your butthole and push a little, and if a turtle's head peeks out, you clench your ass so you don't shit yourself. That is a "positive" turtle test. A "negative" is when a fart comes out.

Dude, pull over, I've gotta take a shit.

No way Bro, can't you just fart or something?

I just did a turtle test Dude, and it was positive. Pull over before I shit in your car.

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blonde date

A masturbation technique where you put a blonde wig on your jerking hand so it looks like a blonde is fellating you.

Bro, who was that blonde chick that was blowing you last night?

Dude, that was no chick I was givin myself a blonde date.

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