La-Z-boy ferret crunch

The #1 cause of premature death for ferrets.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

HUSBAND: Hey, honey, have you seen Freddy the ferret?

WIFE: No, sugar, I haven't.

HUSBAND: I've been looking for him for an hour -- I don't know where he could be. Oh, well, I guess I'll just sit down and watch some ESPN.

(Sits down, everything is fine. Then reclines -- SqueeKRUNCH! Very sadly, the La-Z-boy ferret crunch has taken another ferret life before it's time.)

HUSBAND: Oh my God! It's Freddy! Dear God...

OZZY: Don't let this happen to you.

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neck scruffing

To pick up an animal by the scruff of the neck.

Psychologically, neck scruffing works well on ferrets as a way of telling them "Hey, I am your new parental figure; you need to listen to me".

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