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fire in the hole

Common signal used among married couples. It allows the pair to go on, business as usual, and still have sex without bothering the husband with all that foreplay nonsense. The woman goes into the bedroom and works herself into a lather using whatever means necessary (nothing for the man to concern himself with). The man hits the record button on the remote, gives her the whammy jammy, and then takes a nap. The woman is free to go about her chores, or chat on the phone.

Betty needed the Wizmatic Double-Dong to do the trick, but she managed to work up a reasonable wide on. She put both hands to her mouth and called, "Fire in the hole!" She set herself to an appropriate position as she heard Mario lurching off the couch and scratching himself. She lay with her cheek sideways on the pillow and felt the cooling draft on her taint when Mario swung open the door. And then he was upon her, writhing like a captured weasel, spending himself like casino chips and collapsing over her back. Without missing a beat, Betty swung around the wizmatic and locked onto her target, guiding the rocket to ground zero. She grabbed a pear of sweats, went to the fridge, and grabbed a pint of Haagen-Daaz. Betty dropped herself onto the couch, and turned on Lifetime, while the snores of Mario rumbled steadily from the bedroom.

by Pantaloon January 9, 2008

94πŸ‘ 89πŸ‘Ž


stock the pond

The act of squeezing off a few fresh finless brown trout into the bowl. Essential for the overall health of the ecosystem.

He hadn't shat for days, but the water would be teaming with fresh finless browns when he went to stock the pond.

by Pantaloon January 9, 2008

63πŸ‘ 9πŸ‘Ž


double blue

1)short for double blue veiner, when one becomes so engorged that two blue veins can be seen clearly in dim lighting. Often used as a metaphor for great achievement.
2)The 23rd letter of the alphabet, spoken by someone with a fat lip or recent dental work.

1)When Martha hobbled into the room in her leather cap and boots, Jacob produced his first double blue since the great depression.
2)Beth believed Iwo was proclaiming his love for her after their passionate night of karaoke and love-making, but he was simply spelling his name. She was blissfully unaware of the root canal he had gotten just prior to their date, and suggested he attempt to give her a pink sock, with his small but insistant double blue.

by Pantaloon January 24, 2008

39πŸ‘ 14πŸ‘Ž


finless brown trout

fish that can be domesticated, but which is often flushed prematurely. Often dumped into toilets, and mistaken for dead as it has no eyes, fins, tail, and doesn't seem to swim.

Timmy didn't want to flush the toilet, but his daddy reassured him, telling him he would restock the waters within hours with fresh finless brown trout.

by Pantaloon January 9, 2008

88πŸ‘ 14πŸ‘Ž


Milk the bull

1)The act of trying to produce milk from a steer. Results may vary.
2)Euphemism for yanking the genitals in a downward motion.

1)Josiah did his very best to draw dairy product from the old Fella, but he was kicked clear in the head. Just goes to show, you can teach a man to fish, but ye jus kain milk the bull.
2)Jillian attempted to milk Tommy's bull right there at the booth, but she only succeeded in drawing the attention of the other patrons at Applebee's. The steady popping noise was too distracting from the delightful delicacies of which they were partaking. The waitress was forced to lend a hand to expedite the process.

by Pantaloon January 26, 2008

67πŸ‘ 9πŸ‘Ž


pez dispenser

similar to taste the rainbow, the man uses his penis in the same manner as the classic candy machine. Not sure why he would want to do this, but it's always great fun at parties, and allows for hands free snack delivery.

Some of the younger kids at the concert missed the cultural reference when Jim dropped trou and gave em the ol' Pez Dispenser. One of them even had the nerve to yell out "Thanks for the gumball, Mickey!" As Jimmy flicked a few treats in his direction. As if he would ever put gumballs into his dick. Who would be crazy enough to do that?

by Pantaloon January 18, 2008

79πŸ‘ 58πŸ‘Ž


olympisexual

A person who is only aroused by watching olympic events.

He became aware of his olympisexuality when he began marking the countdown days to Beijing a full year in advance, and splumed during the luge finals while standing on a makeshift podium of washbuckets and his nightstand.

by Pantaloon January 7, 2008

65πŸ‘ 11πŸ‘Ž