Flipper Phenomenon

The feeling of disappointment an adult experiences upon revisiting a favorite childhood film or television show and realizing that it is, and always has been, an enormous pile of shit with no hope for redemption. Nevertheless, some aesthetically retarded Hollywood producer will inevitably try to remake it someday.

Guy 1: I just watched Red Dawn on TNT... remember that one from the 80's? Where the Supreme Soviet gets a wild hair up its ass and decides to invade Colorado for no apparent reason?

Guy 2: Oh yeah, I loved that movie as a kid! Did it hold up after all these years?

Guy 1: No way, dude... total Flipper Phenomenon!

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Dick in a Jar

A male platonic companion that a young, attractive woman keeps around to feel better about herself. The Dick in a Jar is stable, friendly, sensitive and nonthreatening. He is infatuated with her, but she sees him as a brother -- a brother with whom she cuddles while watching movies and complaining about the latest alpha male to break her heart. The Dick in a Jar secretly awaits his female companion's revelation that emotionally abusive fucktards will never make her happy and that he is actually the man of her dreams, but he waits in vain.

Mark: So, what's up with your roommate and that dorky guy who always spends the night? Are they bumpin' uglies?

Shauna: Naah, he's just her Dick in a Jar.

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Pay Attention to Me Text

A text message sent to a former lover that may give false hope to the brokenhearted but only serves to boost the heart breaker's fragile ego. Pay Attention to Me Texts often appear casual and benign, such as "Hey, what's up?" However, when properly ignored, they frequently progress to more desperate attempts to be noticed, such as, "I heard our song on the radio today," or "I can't stop thinking about you."

The entire exchange may serve to rebuild the brokenhearted's self-esteem and partially restore the balance of power in a failed relationship, but all is lost the moment he or she responds to the text.

Guy#1: Marlene texted me today to say she misses me. Maybe she wants to get back together?

Guy#2: No way, dude, that's just a Pay Attention to Me Text. Ignore that shit!

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