vin diesel

Living proof that shaving your head, getting a bunch of insipid tattoos and speaking in low, monosyllabic growls is an effective method of fabricating a desirable male image and provoking hormonal responses in ghettos and trailer parks everywhere. Appeals to below median IQ crowds with cinematic masterpieces like ‘Triple X’, ‘the Fast and the Furious’ and ‘the Chronicles of Riddick’…high budget schlock indicative of the dismally short attention spans and sub-par intelligence of the average movie-going public. Highly idolized despite his resemblance to someone who may empty trash cans for a living.

Wife: Honey!?... who’s that man outside going through our trash cans?
Husband: Oh, that’s just Vin Diesel, he’s researching for part in Michael Bay’s new movie about trash collectors who go after the Japanese mafia.

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BRAD PITT

A highly over rated, overpaid Hollywood actor with marginal talent and limited range whose success is largely contingent on his physical appearance, several off screen romantic relationships(with other minimally talented actresses) and his ability to draw intellectually vapid females to the box office for movies they wouldn’t otherwise watch. (ie...Seven years in Tibet, 12 Monkeys, Fight Club etc…)

Brad: Hey Julie, do you wanna go see Brad Pitt’s new movie? It’s about an Austrian mountain climber that becomes friends with the Dalai Lama in the 1940’s Chinese takeover..?
Julie: Ooooh yeah!!

Mark: Amber, wanna rent Fight Club?
Amber: What’s that about?
Mark: Umm…it’s about a man’s rejection of a consumeristic and narcissistic society that deprives him of his humanity.
Amber: sounds really boring.
Mark: Brad Pitt is in it.
Amber: oooh yeah! I’ll watch.

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