TPL

Time Per Lay--The time per lay is an index that measures how much time one spends to get in someone else's pants. The goal being to have as low a TPL as possible. Time Per Lay becomes more important the more money you make at your job. The logic being that you could in fact spend more to get laid more, but to make sense you must not have to take as much time out of your day to get laid.

Cook: "Hey have you banged that girl you have been seeing yet?"

Pete: "No, we have already gone out on three dates too!"

Cook: "Damn dude, that is going to ruin your TPL."

Pete: "Don't remind me ass hole!!!"

37👍 20👎

to paint houses

mobster jargon for killing someone.

Boss: "I heard you like to paint houses."
Thug: "Yes, and I do my own carpentry as well."
Boss: "Excellent

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stalking horse

Someone or something whose role is to become the focal point for, or the initiator of, a debate or challenge. However, in reality their leadership role is an illusion, and the stalking horse is really working to promote a challenge or debate that will benefit a third party whose identity remains a secret.

Pete: "You been watching what them Clintons are up to?"
Cook: "I've been trying to ignore them now for 12 years."
Pete: "Well Slick Willie has been attacking Obama."
Cook: "Why?"
Pete: "Well he is acting as a stalking horse for Hillary to damage Obama's rep."
Cook: "I figured Obama already damaged his rep."
Pete: "Not as much as Willie can."
Cook: "Your wisdom is boundless."

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drop a Griffey

to take a huge shit in your own toliet that has been brewing for a while.

Kaleb: "Mom hurry up and get home!"
Pizzamaker: "Why hun?"
Kaleb: "Cause I gotta drop a Griffey."

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Jones Road

a fake road that does not really exist, used to give someone directions when you just want them off your back or want to confuse them.

The Cooker: "Dude, Uncle Freddie wants to come jacking for beats"
Pete Dick: "Does he know we are going to the Kirk Hotel?"
The Cooker: "No."
Pete Dick: "Good, just tell him we are going to the Beats Street Tavern and that it is on Jones Road and to meet us there."
The Cooker: "Wouldn't it be on Beats Street though?"
Pete Dick: "Don't worry about it, he is too stupid to figure it out."

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gaggle of hens

a group of annoying female who are out together making a collective noise that resembles the gaggling of a flock of hens.

Pete Dick: "We gotta get out of this place."
The Cooker: "Why?"
Pete Dick: "TP fucked one of those girls over there and now the whole gaggle of hens is talking about it."

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Cost Per Lay

Also known as "CPL," the Cost Per Lay is the amount of money a man spends to get laid.

Cook: "Hey, are you still dating that high maintenace bitch?"
Pete: "Yeah, she is killing me."
Cook: "Why, she's pretty hot?"
Pete: "Yeah she is but I have to take her out on expensive dates or she won't give me any."
Cook: "What's your Cost Per Lay?"
Pete: "Fuck, I dunno, at least a hundred bucks."
Cook (laughing): "Dude, your so fucked, dump that bitch!"
Pete: "Not before I tape myself nailing her."
Cook: "That'll be some expensive porn my good man..."

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