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A term meaning conspiracy that causes an overtly irrational fear of humanistic advancement. However, no such conspiracy actually exist.
The resulting irrational behavior effects roughly 25% of a given population, with the majority of those being conservatively minded. When excessive exposure to the term is imminent, those susceptible to its effects can protect themselves with the application of a tin foil cranial barrier, rubber boots and a safety pin, (American made boots provide better protection). Under certain circumstances no protection can be afforded resulting in a condition known as libergenditis. A list of those that may be susceptible follows.
If you engage in, are a member of or can answer yes to at least three questions on the following list, you are susceptible and may be at risk of contracting libergenditis. Be sure to answer truthfully, as the computer will know if you are lying or not. If you are not sure, check with the pastor of your local parish, return and then continue. If you are still not sure, skip to the next question:
1. NRA
2. Tea Party
3. Republican
4. Do you watch Fox News?
5. Do you have home-schooled child/children?
6. Have you attended a town hall meeting?
7. Do you know what the 700 club is?
8. Is Chuck Norris awesome?
9. Is McGuyver Awesome?
9. Dolly Pardon, Daisy Duke or Pamala Anderson?
(For question 9. Circle Yes or No, a grease pencil will suffice. Warning: Do Not Use A Sharpie!)
10. Do you now or have you ever attended church during a weekday?
11. Were the words used in this definition of the word libergenda too engaging for you?
12. Did you not understand the above question?
13. Is the number thirteen bad?
14. Beyond reproach, Glen Beck?
15. Beyond reproach, Rush Limbaugh?
Jimbo: "Jeff, whatfer I cant come to them meet'ns in town?"
Jefferson: "I done told you Jimbo... the pastor's gonna be goin over them folks 'libergenda' and them word is to big fer you to undestand.
Jimbo: "auh shucks almignty!"
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1. A varied number of small insect-eating songbirds, found in woodland areas throughout the world.
2. Bushtit, willow tit.
3. A phrase that when uttered in the presence of a conservative, esp. a tea bagger, may cause mild distress and an uncontrollable batting of the ears. When left untreated, the affection may lead to a condition known as libergenditis.
Note: An American species, the black-capped chickadee can be found throughout the back-woods and rolling hills of the deep southern states and West Virginia. A particularly active species has been spotted frequenting small city centers, infesting the eaves of buildings e.g., town halls, churches and a food distribution center known as the Piggluh Wiggluh.
Jimbo: "I cant stop itchin so Jeff"
Jefferson: "Could be that yer allergic ta them birds over yonder in them ther rafters."
Jimbo: "Wat, a lil' ol' 'tit mouse'?"
Jefferson: "Could be... now stop yer fidgetin' an hold that ladda steady."
Jimbo: "Jeff?"
Jefferson: "Whuats that Jimbo?
Jimbo: "Whycome they gotta put church bells so high?"
Jefferson: "Ye got me thar ol' Jim..."
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A method, usually involving force, and sometimes involving the use of a straightener-outer or other such device, eg. a whip, used to bring the sinful heathen to their knees, for prayer, sex, general menial labor, or to pick produce up from the ground.
Jimbo: "Should I give 'em a wollup Jeff?"
Jefferson: "They ar kinda pickin slo today... You go on ahead an give 'em a richeous 'American wollup', ya hear. That'll get 'em inta gear.
Jimbo: "What about her?
Jefferson: "You send her 'round back to me... I'm gonna hafta gitma rod out and give her a proper wollupin' to straighten her out."
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Christian: weapon of mass destruction.
A cleansing tool used as hell-fire, God's Wrath, heathen straightener-outer, sinful science and or intellegent design.
Jimbo: "We should just drop some nukular bombs on them dangged heathens in that oil desert. That'll straight'n 'em out."
Jefferson: "Ya think Jimbo!? Maybe we aught ta drop some 'nukyaler bombs' insted."
Jimbo: "Oh... yeah. That'd be even better."
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Akin to a ministered surmon.
A laborsome, albeit somewhat amusingly skewed compilation of conjecture, misunderstandings, Bible quotes, Fox News "facts", hocus-pocus, psuedo-science and fairy-tales. Usually involving loose, air-borne saliva and the use of a snot-rag.
See liberal rant.
My neighbor wouldn't shut-up about his pastor's town-hall meeting on liberals. His conservative rant lasted two whole minutes. Thank God for the Star Spangled Banner. I thought he'd never stop. My friend and I got back to the game just before kick-off.
14π 3π
A condition that affects a subset of roughly 25% of the general population, the majority of which being those individuals that are more conservative in ideology. The root cause is unknown but certain triggers have been identified as a catalyst to its malignancy. Once affected the individual rapidly devolves, displaying an overtly phobic reaction to humanistic advancement causing a great deal of suffering, for themselves, their fellow man and the surrounding environment.
As to the catalyst, the usage of certain words (libergenda, welfare, intellect, Janeane Garofalo, and oddly, Tit Mouse) within a town hall will cause the resulting sound waves to reverberate in a peculiar pattern. When exposed to a republican, the waves will latch onto the frontal lobe resulting in a highly irrational fear of science, artistic expression, literary latitude and an overall reluctance to engage in anything involving thought processes.
Recent studies have shown that when exposed to a tea bagger, without amplification, the unrestricted utterance of these words yield sound waves that bypass the frontal lobe all together and imbed deep within the amygdaloidal body of the brain, causing a nearly irreversible negative synergistic effect resulting in verbal convolution, an abnormal discontinuity in the senses, fidgets, disillusionment, the attempt to render warped reality into actuality, and the sudden ability to create propagandistic signage.
As of yet, no know cure exists, although treatment in the form of higher education has proved to be somewhat effective in reversing the majority of the symptoms. However, a greater barrier to treatment is convincing those afflicted with the condition that help is available and that the stigmatic barriers in accepting their condition and seeking treatment, are themselves a part of the disillusionment.
Jimbo: "What ails ya Jefferson?"
Jefferson: "Doc says I got the 'libergenditis'. Pass me that paint now... I gotta finnish this sign"
Jimbo: "It sure is purdy."
8π 4π
1. A language spoken in the United stated, derived from English that developed through the usage of various regional terms such as:
a. Main street USA: rock-n-roll, slurpee, bud(weiser), dude, dudett, disco-sucks, bro, broski, brodenski, christian values, french benefits, Fox News, intelligent design, black conservative, Tea Party, progressive politics, white-collar trash, hanging chad, the 'facts', coke (the drug), coke, jazzy, nigger, picnic def. 9 UD, white trash, pedophile, restraint, a moment of quiet reflection.
b. Irreducible hillbilly talk: yeller, tard, har, rooaaad, shine, white-lightnin, white-paar, gitΓ’ΒΒer-dun, fried hog, fried butta, hang 'em, ignernt.
c. The ghetto: wat-up homie, don't make me bone you ho, partay, playa, po-po, 5-O, chronic, crack, cracker, crack-pipe, crack-ho, pimpin ain't easy, breastesies, juice (aka kool-aide).
d. East LA: taco, burrito, fuck-it holmes, low-rider, manana, puto, no-speek-english, tamale, la migra, get in the back foo!, Santana, restraining order, I ain't Puerto Rican S.A., whats-up cellie.
e. New York City: cabbie, fo-get-about-it, you gonna eat that, soup-nazi, Coco, Trump, fuck-you-honky, no... fuck-you-nigger, I'm Puerto Rican foo!, pizza, yo.
f. San Francisco: gay, straight, queer, Cher, Rice-A-Roni, kazillion, drag-queen, I'm Puerto Rican silly.
2. The people that speak american.
3. A product or technology developed expressing the values of the american people.
Usage:
1. Jimbo: "Those messacans outta lern 'american' before they let 'em thru that fence.
Jefferson: "That may be Jimbo, but it don't take much to pick tamaydahs, after a good wollupin'"
Jimbo: "Still... lernin 'american' outta be a law, like lernin the pledge or prayin in school."
2. While the yank toured Europe he insisted on being called an American.
3. Jimbo: "This here's american son, you wont find this quality in a Jap bike. Now pass me that wrench, will ya boy."
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