Teatard

A person who believes one or more of the Tea Party’s slant on today’s political issues. Many of their rants are so bizarre and without basis that they weren’t taken seriously until the movement had grown to an alarming collection of right-wing extremists, thus proving that the number of insane people currently residing in the US was grossly underestimated. Some of their more bigoted, racist, religious or homophobic beliefs include:
 Obama is a Muslim Socialist and is not eligible to be president because he was born in Kenya.
 Obama is going to take away their guns.
 If Republicans gain control of the House, Obama should be impeached.
 Repeal the 14th Amendment so being born in America won’t mean automatic citizenship.
 Obama’s Healthcare Plan has a hidden ‘Death Panel’ clause so they can decide who lives or dies.
 16,000 IRS agents have been hired to jail people who don’t have health insurance.
 Abortion is Murder. Every unborn child has the right to be born and survive to the age of eighteen so he or she can join the military and kill other eighteen year olds that have different religious or political views than they do.
 Church and State should be one.
 Gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of marriage.
 Evolution is a hoax.
 Creationism should be taught in schools.
 Global warming is a hoax.
 The Earth was created in 6 days and is 6,000 years old.
 Sarah Palin could become one of America’s finest presidents.

Man 1: I can’t believe that guy. He thinks Sarah Palin would make a great president!
Man 2: President of what?
Man 1: The United States!
Man 2: What? No way! He’s such a Teatard!

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evangullible

An Evangelical Christian Conservative who simply believes in everything that President Donald Trump has spoken or promised, despite the facts that in many cases, his actions blatantly contradict his statements.

I can't believe this Evangullible believes everything Donald Trump says!

The Spread Eagle Has Landed

When your sleazy, white trash, welfare-dependant daughter comes back to roost at your home with her five illegitimate children – because she just can’t make ends meet on four handouts alone.

With the cost of everything rising, public assistance from Welfare, Social Security, Food Stamps and Child Support is no longer allowing her to live the way that she had been accustomed – and the single-wide trailer has just been repossessed!

It’s sad, but once the essentials such as cigarettes, beer, drugs, snacks, lottery tickets, magazines and pre-paid cell phone cards are purchased, there never seems to be enough money left over for the non-essentials such as rent, utilities, gas or car repairs.

Man1: I heard that C moved back in with you, with all the kids.

Man 2: Yep, The Spread Eagle Has Landed!

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Nilap Haras

A dozen-word compilation describing a person who exhibits only positive traits. He or she is sincere, intelligent, competent, respectful, tolerant, unbiased, empathetic, genuine, delightful, loving, sophisticated and trustworthy.

When the letters that spell Nilap Haras are reversed, it reveals a person exhibiting the exact opposite characteristics, and is sarcastic, ignorant, incompetent, disrespectful, narrow-minded, bigoted, unfeeling, deceptive, obnoxious, hateful, backwoods and corrupt.

Man 1: I wish I could find a woman who is Nilap Haras!
Man 2: Doesn’t everyone?

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Political Karma

When John McCain and the GOP launched their ‘America First’ campaign in 2008, it soon became painfully obvious that it was nothing more than a campaign slogan with the ‘demographic over qualifications’ pick of Sarah Palin as his running mate. Within a matter of days it became evident that Palin had no concept of what the vice president’s job entailed, no insight to the political arena beyond the “Leaving Wasilla” road sign in south-central Alaska and was very poorly read.

Palin cost McCain the election and was snubbed by the Republican Party. So what’s a pitbull in lipstick to do? Write a book, quit your job, pack up the Governor’s Mansion, and hit the road to stir the ‘Real Americans’ into a psychotic frenzy by promising them a way to ‘Take Back America.’

Two years later, through a politically cruel twist of fate for the GOP, Sarah Palin, along with such pseudo celebrities as Glen Beck, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, now commands the largest contingent of misfits in the history of American politics – The Tea Party – and they’re splitting the Republican Party right down the middle.

Although the Tea Party doesn’t yet have the numbers to win seats in the big elections, they do have the numbers to take votes away from the other candidates so they can’t win them either – and where are most of these votes coming from? The Republican Party. How’s that for Political Karma?

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Food Stamp Filets

It’s a well-known fact that many families receiving Food Stamps eat like millionaires. While most of the population gets by on fatty ground beef and frozen dinners, Food Stampers feast on Filet Mignon, New York Strip, lobster tails and crab legs. If eating like this still isn’t enough to spend their entire monthly food handout, they then resort to throwing parties and cookouts just to use up the stamps. Of course, the concept of not spending every dime of their government handout, stocking up on non-perishables, or donating some of the excess food to a charitable organization is out of the question.

“Awesome! I just got invited to C’s cookout again! Last time I went, I had a couple Food Stamp Filets at her house, then she gave me four more to take home!”

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Palintology

The study of the American political system in the early twenty-first century as it mutated from Democrat versus Republican and Liberal versus Conservative to the Sane versus the Insane – coinciding with the introduction of Sarah Palin and the inception of the Tea Party.

Man 1: I just signed up for a class to study how Sarah Palin screwed up everything for the Republican Party by stirring up the crazies and setting the stage for the Tea Party movement.
Man 2: I took Palintology last semester. It’s hard to believe those people can walk and chew gum at the same time!

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