Michael Steele Second

A Michael Steele Second is destined to replace the New York Second as the smallest measurable amount of time in the universe.

A New York Second is defined as the time between a traffic light turning green in New York City and the cab driver behind you honking his horn.

A Michael Steele Second is defined as the time between President Obama leaving the Executive Office of the President of the United States and the firing of Michael Steele as the Chairman of the Republican National Committee.

Man 1: If I were offered that job, I’d have said yes in a Michael Steele Second!

Man 2: You and me both!

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Trailer Trash Trifecta

Collecting Welfare, Social Security and Child Support every month, without ever lifting a finger – except for going to the mailbox and the bank.

“Wow, since she figured out who the father is, she’s been riding the Trailer Trash Trifecta!”

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Game over, you win!

Whenever you find yourself in a situation that feels like it may escalate from a simple misunderstanding or disagreement into something worse – and you’re really not in the mood, just remember these four little words. This just might be the simplest phrase ever conceived to stop a potential argument dead in its tracks.

M: You’re going to go past it! I said it was on the right!
R: No, you said it was on the left.
M: No, I distinctly told you that it was on the…
R: Game over, you win!

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white trash

If you're constantly being bothered or annoyed by a 'white trash' acquaintance, neighbor or relative, and want to get rid of them once and for all - just lend them $20.00.
You'll never see them again.

That $20.00 I loaned to that white trash, low-life Bubba was the best money I ever spent!

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hockey mom

Sarah Palin’s folksy, self-proclaimed description of herself, followed by her assertion that the only difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull is lipstick – therefore publicly admitting that she walks on four legs, has eight nipples, a tail and greets her friends by sniffing their assholes. (And within the Tea Party, that’s a whole lot of sniffing!)

Man 1: Let’s put some lipstick on that pitbull and turn it into a hockey mom.
Man 2: Better yet, let’s put some lipstick and glasses on it and turn it into Sarah Palin!

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Trojan Whores

Beautiful, voluptuous women that you find impossible to resist… but… they have a ‘look’ that says they’ve ‘been around the block’ a few too many times. Although having sex with them is very tempting, your inner voice keeps warning you that something evil lurks inside, and you’ll probably end up contracting AIDS or some other serious STD if you’re not very careful – so you’d better double up on the condoms.

Man 1: “See ya tomorrow morning. I just got an offer I can’t refuse from those two babes!”
Man 2: “Make sure you wear a condom on your condom. They look like a couple Trojan Whores to me!”

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Just Just

Barely Legal. Taken from two definitions of the word Just.

Definition 1: Barely; by a narrow margin; within a brief period of time; only; merely

Definition 2: Legal; legitimate; guided by justice; in accordance with standards; right; lawful; proper

Man 1: “You’d better stay away from her, or you’ll end up in jail!”
Man 2: “No worries, I checked her out. She’s Just Just!”

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