ear-69

When two people interlock faces such that each of their mouths is close to the other's ear. This is generally the only way to have a conversation in a crowded club or bar.

"I got the digits of this girl that was probably pretty hot. I'm not sure though, I didn't get a good look at her since we had to ear-69 to talk."

11👍 3👎

xenophilia

Sexual attraction to extraterrestrials.

You think your girlfriend's a freak? Mine's into xenophilia - I have to wear green antennae every time I wanna have sex.

184👍 149👎

The Platinum Solution

Spending over $100,000 in taxpayer funds to implement a shit collection of shit band-aid solutions on some existing piece of fucking shit.

Gov guy 1: "Man, I can't believe you spent a hundred bucks on that piece of shit car."
Gov guy 2: "Yeah, it's not gonna work. We better invest a few hundred K in improving it."
Gov guy 1: "You know you can get a solid, working car for $10,000, right?"
Gov guy 2: "Yeah, but then I'd have to admit that I threw away that initial hundred bucks, and I'm much too proud. So, you know, I'ma implement The Platinum Solution"

26👍 6👎

greedtomaton

One motivated by nothing but money (and maybe sex). An otherwise empty vessel that contributes next to nothing to process that he profits from.

Guy 1: The placement agent I talked to was all over the place when it came to how much money the position offered. Seems like he was just trying to placate me
Guy 2: Um, yeah. He's a headhunter, dude. In an industry of motherfucking vermin, he is the lowest of the fucking low. A bottomfeeder. Scum of the earth, man; a total greedtomaton.

10👍 1👎

Nothing is Impossible

The most flaccid statement in all of history. It is scientifically impossible to fit more ridiculous into three fucking words.

"Wait, so if nothing is impossible, is it possible that something IS impossible? Man, what the fuck."

57👍 5👎

Blackberry blindness

Complete engrossment in one's Blackberry, resulting in voluntary blindness and total ignorance of one's environment.

VJ: Dude why did you plow over that old lady?
Mike: I just had to finish the last line of that email. Total blackberry blindness.

48👍 7👎

abortionware

Software that may as well be a coathangered fetus.

That Windows Vista, man. Such abortionware.

26👍 5👎