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When you finish an outrageously graphic masturbation session and while wiping up ropes of jizz do you discover the cover of your webcam is wide open.
HAL 9000: "...Yes Dave... I just saw you masturbate. And so did every employee at NASA."
Dr. Dave Bowman: "Hal! You are just a goddamn spank cam!"
When your significant other is squeezing a massive pimple and gets their face spackled with shooting sticky sebum.
Mickey: "Remember that huge zit on my back?"
Goofy: "Yeah, the size of a bird's egg. Why?"
Mickey: "I had Minnie bust it last night and it shot all over her face and up her nose."
Goofy: "Garsh! Like one of those Jap'nese movies-- Bukkake!"
Mickey: "More like Bukkacne!"
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When you are having wild sex and are about to pop, you think of anything, absolutely anything to take your mind away from sex. Then you imagine Whoopie Goldberg's 'sex face' and your dick immediately becomes soft, like one of those marshmallow chicks you get during Easter.
Minnie: "Harder Mickey, harder!"
Mickey: "Oooops! I shouldn't have thought of Whoopie Goldberg."
Minnie: "... more like 'Droopie Goldberg' you fucking loser."
One who sucks off robotic penises, until their mouths and other connected organs are filled to capacity with white, voluminous, vapored jizz. They then expel the electronic love fluids out of their mouth and nose into the paths of bystanders or out of their car windows, in a celebration of milking chrome, illuminated automaton cocks until they repeat the cycle a few seconds later.
(Walking through a cloud of expelled, digital spooge) "Cough, cough! Go suck your robot's cock somewhere else, you fucking robohomo!" ~ His Highness, the Dalai Lama
A fun game, where if you know you are about to have an especially revolting shit, you enclose your phone in a zip-lock bag and leave it in the bathroom you just destroyed. Close the door behind you and begin complaining that you can't find your phone. A friend or family member will eventually dial it, hear it in the bathroom and will be so smug to discover it's location that they'll just barge in to grab it, violating their nostrils when they enter.
Daughter: (gagging) "I found your phone! Why is it in a plastic bag?"
You: Shit Tag! You're it!
When you walk past a dispenser of alcohol sanitizing agent, you squirt a nice amount into your hand and then slap it across your mark's face, yelling, "Dirtless-Sanchez!"
They can't be too pissed off, after all, you just cleaned their lips for them.
Goofy, spitting nails: "That fuck'in Mickey-- he done got me agin!"
Donald: "What did that goddamn rat do this time?"
Goofy: Well, when I was just walking into the Disney store, Mickey filled his hand with sanitizing gel and slapped it across my face! Then he yelled, 'Dirtless-Sanchez!'"
Donald: "I know! It burned my fucking beak for a full day!"
A Navy buddy of mine, Don Armstrong (RIP buddy) had terrible hemorrhoids-- they would bleed and make perfect doll-sized kiss marks inside his underwear.
Don's Wife: "Don! You sick fuck! Did you pay a midget to wear lipstick and kiss your goddamn underwear?"
Don: "No honey... those are from my hemorrhoids."
Don's Wife: "... you mean this is actually... blood?"
Don: "It's best to think of them as Underwear Kisses."