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spank cam

When you finish an outrageously graphic masturbation session and while wiping up ropes of jizz do you discover the cover of your webcam is wide open.

HAL 9000: "...Yes Dave... I just saw you masturbate. And so did every employee at NASA."
Dr. Dave Bowman: "Hal! You are just a goddamn spank cam!"

by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker October 24, 2019


Bukkacne

When your significant other is squeezing a massive pimple and gets their face spackled with shooting sticky sebum.

Mickey: "Remember that huge zit on my back?"
Goofy: "Yeah, the size of a bird's egg. Why?"
Mickey: "I had Minnie bust it last night and it shot all over her face and up her nose."
Goofy: "Garsh! Like one of those Jap'nese movies-- Bukkake!"
Mickey: "More like Bukkacne!"

by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker August 2, 2011

20๐Ÿ‘ 2๐Ÿ‘Ž


Neumann Mind-Fuck

When you have a boss named Neumann, who is SO intelligent, that you can enter his office with with resolve and with a valid demand and then leave not getting a goddamned thing you wanted, but feel like he gave you the winning numbers of the lottery.

Frank Z: Returning to his office, "FUCK!"
RickO: "What's wrong Frank?"
Frank Z: "I went to Neumann's office to demand that he let me fly business class."
RickO: "Was he receptive?"
FrankZ, rubbing his temples: "Dude, all I know is he explained how it's WAY better to fly coach and that just riding in an airplane is reward enough for anyone. I walked out gushing with gratitude and positivity until I got to the hallway. How the fuck does he do that?"
RickO: "It's called the 'Neumann Mind-Fuck'. He uses it on everyone. ...Do you still have your wallet?"
FrankZ pats his empty rear pockets and screams to the ceiling, "Fuck!"

I went to speak with Neumann about a better coffee machine. Now, I can't stand the taste of coffee... What happened...?
You've just had the Neumann Mind-Fuck.

by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker September 9, 2023


Torremolinos

A coastal resort in Spain near Malaga. Once called an 'adult's Disneyland' in the 1980's when it had a female to male ratio of 7 to 1. There were a few transvestites then.

In the 1990's Eastern-European neo-nazis moved in and the town fell into disrepair. The transvestites somehow mated successfully. Moroccans started arriving and crime went sky-high!

Today, it's FILLED with so much gay action that your asshole looks like a windsock by the time you return home. Filthy moroccans everywhere!

"We're in T-town (Torremolinos)! I don't see any hot chicks yet... lets ask these two gentlemen walking poodles where they could be?"

Monty Python: "Torremolinos! Torremolinos!" Actually, The ones that infected Graham Chapman are probably dead now too.

by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker May 2, 2011

6๐Ÿ‘ 5๐Ÿ‘Ž