Chronic condition whereby twice a day milking just doesn’t cut it. Self milking can occur up to six times especially if the hot cleaner bends over a lot.
This hot weather means pokie nipples and the scent of warm vagina - I got the mad cow disease.
A fictional - but not unrealistic bathroom aid. When passing an abnormally large shit there should be a gum shield type device on a wall bracket or rope next to you - bite down when that mud child is making life unbearable. Can also be useful day after Halloween when half chewed nuts come out pointy like fucking glass shards.
“Man I dropped a Shamu deuce last night that would have wet the first 6 rows at seaworld. Had to bear down hard on my shitbit”
Unwanted erection caused by altitude decrease - usually experienced as the pilot prepares to land
Jesus, can’t keep my fucking food tray level with this behemoth of a downbone
A 59 second loud propeller farty toilet experience achieving a very low altitude above seat level.
Just had a gas propelled noisy white knuckle wright brothers shit
A roaming data 4G wank where one purposefully disconnects their device from the wireless network beforehand as it may be frowned upon by the owners - e.g. a church, funeral home or work lavatory
My God the widow is fucking smoking hot in black - I’m going for a 4GFap once I’ve given her my deepest sympathies y
The art of lying on your arm to numb it and make masturbation feel like someone else is doing it. Can be accompanied by wearing rings and nice nail polish for males.
Gave myself a romantic howdy stranger last night
Over enthusiastic emoji user who will use a thumbs up for literally any response.
“It’s pancreatic so I’m almost Definitely deader than dog shit soon. First chemo session Monday.” Response: Thumbs up fuck