Oslo Push

After consuming a sufficient quantity of salmon and müesli, a Norwegian’s stool will reach a firm, concrete-like consistency that allows them to initiate an ancient medical ritual known as the Oslo Push.

The Oslo Push is the act of defecating 90% of the way to completion before clenching one’s ass (gripping the müesli log), and crab walking over to a fresh cedar plank that has been laid out on the floor, then slowly squatting down in a manner of gently forcing the log back into the colon.

The practice of Oslo Pushing has been heralded for millennia as an ancient ritual of medicine, particularly throughout Norway’s Lofoten Islands.

Olaf- “I am so stressed about my final exams that I’ve caught a cold.”

Björn- “have you done an Oslo Push yet? That usually helps me. And make sure to use real cedar!”

Olaf- “Good idea, Björn”