Jeff

This boy WHITE. Fan of Eminem, movie theater popcorn, Disney world (unironically), amateur film critic, bobble head enthusiast, got a cat as a best friend (and she a real bitch). Party trick: changing the channel with his toes.

“Jeff paid $650 to see a twenty one pilots concert in Tampa”

Brent

Nah, that’s no typo. This dudes name has an n in it, because he’s breaking all the rules all the time. He’ll give you the shirt off his back, if he’s wearing one, and tell you to slap a smile on that face and live like there’s no tomorrow. Big fan of a live band, following trends but claiming he started them, living life on the edge and cracking open an icy cold modelo. This guy will walk miles in the rain to buy his girl a juul, because she got a job! Patterned shirts? Oh he owns a few. Sense of humor? Oh he’s got one. Ain’t no quittin this guy.

“Did Brent just walk that little old lady across the street?”

“Brent hit me with his car and convinced me it was my fault. He prob right tho”

6👍 2👎

Annie

Inclined to lock small children away in a dark damp basement. Will practice an evil cackle in front of the mirror for hours. Tendency to divorce and humiliate, while pretending to “take the high road”. Probably eats human feces for nourishment because she spends so much goddamn time in the bathroom.

“Annie filed for divorce and took all my money, friends and respect. That cold heartless ginger bitch turned my mom against me.”

Chriz

Big tip hanging guy who goes to California once when he’s 30 and starts dating a tree. BIG shailene woodley fan, loves a girl who wears socks with her sandals and accosts you with her liberal beliefs. Chriz out there wearing hoodies cinched so tight, he looks like a minion. Favorite color: beige.

“Cali chriz gets an unfathomable amount of ass”

-“Where’s chriz tonight”
-“He has a tummy ache”