fucking can opener

1. that bastard piece of shit occasionally electrical appliance that opens cans or doesn't open cans

Number 2. the only Christmas gift mom gave to your ex
3.the Christmas gift your ex still should not have gotten
4. the only bullshit appliance that you can throw away three times and dig it out of the trash when you need it most and the bastard work
5. the one electrical appliancethat you are glad you did not throw it At your ex because the f**Ucker*** sometimes works

"throw that fucking can opener away!"

"I wish I had thrown that fucking can opener at you! but I'm glad I didn't because I needed to open some peaS and cream of children soup!"

"I've lost the handheld can opener please go dig the fucking can opener out of the garbage...so I can try it again. do you believe after one week of using a handheld can opener the electric fucking can opener workEd"

"go to hell you fucking can opener I am throwing you away now!"

"mom don't buy that asshole a fucking can opener for Christmas he's an idiot and may try to use it; he's ugly buy him a paper bag instead."

"that f****** can opener is possessed!"