Hiding a Ruler

Describes a man with a 12 inch long schlong, dick, cock, jimmy, one-eyed trouser snake, woody, penis.

What Sarah didn't know was that Ron was Hiding a Ruler in his pants and planned to use it on her later that night.

Did you hear about the new guy?
what?
He's Hiding a Ruler!
oh wow! Dibs!

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Pee Pee Powerwashing

verb: using the pee pee powerwasher (your penis) to powerwash the toilet bowl after someone drops plops leaving a streaky shitty toilet bowl.

At the party, Dave murdered a brown snake and left it in the toilet. Dan came in after, vomited in the toilet then flushed it down. However Dave's shit streaks were stuck on the bowl. So Dan whipped out his pee pee powerwasher and did some Pee Pee Powerwashing!

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Philadelphia New Moon

The act of smearing feces (your own or a friends) all over your ass cheeks until your white pasty butt now appears completely black. Then proceed to moon an unsuspecting person. The shit-covered ass appears at first glance to be not the typical full moon, but a dark new moon.

*If a person is truly creative, they can use varying amounts of poo to recreate all phases of the moon (New, waxing crescent 1st quarter, waxing gibbous, full, waning gibbous, 3rd quarter, waning crescent, and new)

a cop is sitting outside of Dunkin Donuts and looks up when a car driving by honks.

"hey copper, check this out!" the driver motions to the passenger in the back who put his shit covered ass out the window.

"Oh damn, Tell your black friend that he's gonna pay for that!"

"My friend isn't black, silly! You just got the Philadelphia New Moon!"

"Eww Gross!" the cop shakes his night stick angrily!

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Release the Oompa Loompas

1. v. to unsnap a woman's bra, thus freeing the beautiful milk-maids (i.e. Oompa Loompas) from captivity.

2. v. to infiltrate the most secure area inside the Pentagon and free the 100 midgets that are currently held hostage. An attempt was made nearly 10 years ago but Al-Quaeda covered it up with urging from the president by crashing a plane. Top government officials will deny the existence of a captive Loompaland inside the Pentagon used for their enjoyment. However, it does exist and they need to be freed!

1. That chick is so corn, I can't wait til I can Release the Oompa Loompas!

2. Yo man I came up with a plan to Release the Oompa Loompas, can you help?

Sure, I know those little fellas need our help, I heard that they have them locked in a baby playpen!

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Columbian Colonoscopy

v. The act of opening the brown eye of someone very special using a gynecological speculum, sprinkling some nose candy into the dark hole, then packing it in with your hard flesh arrow.

Vanessa: "Ouch! my ass is still hurting and my heart is pounding! What happened last night?"

Manuel: "Actually, a whole gang of us decided to give you a Columbian Colonoscopy... You're Welcome!"

Vanessa: "Oh that makes sense."

Manuel: "By the way, you owe me 20 bucks for the coke."

Vanessa: "Lame!"

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Flaming Butt Monkey

noun: A cute name for an exuberant homosexual male.

Tom: Let's go hang out at Jerry's place.

Anne: Who is Jerry?

Tom: He's a Flaming Butt Monkey!

Anne: Aww, how cute, I'll be there in 10.

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I know it like the back of my ass

phrase.
refers to an unknown area. the opposite of the common phrase "i know it like the back of my hand". Originates from the fact that most people (unless they are porn actors/models) are quite unfamiliar with the backs of their asses.

Joey: oh look that chick lives in Ismay, Montana. I know that place like the back of my hand. I'll get laid for sure!

Tommy: shit, I know it like the back of my ass.
(walks away defeated...)

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