Chocolate doughnut

Asshole/Butthole (best used to say -a real pain in my ass-, but when there is an audience who don't take to language)

"Did you do that assignment yet?"
"Yeah, was a real pain in my.." (looks at christian cousin) "-chocolate doughnut'"

Harakiri

A nice long self inflicted shank in your belly. The Japanese managed to make even suicide an honour.

I have disgraced my family, and shall now perform harakiri to expunge m sins