mauled

(i) To be overwhelmed by the effects of drink or drugs.

(ii) To be beaten by another person at a game or in any context whatsoever.

(iii) To shag a bird.

Eg, "I was absolutely fucking mauled last night"
Eg, "I got completely mauled by/at ...."
Eg, "Did you maul Laura last night?"
Eg, "It was a 6-0 mauling"
Eg, "I'm gonna give you a good fucking mauling at pro evo"

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wank mirage

When a tug hungry adolescent see's a discarded glossy magazine or Sunday supplement in a bush or bin and mistakenly identifies it as a porno.

"I fell victim to a wank mirage the other day....turned out to be the latest issue of We Love Telly (free with the Daily Mirror"

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