Swotley

A strange creature. Resembles many other strange creatures. Wears Rugby or Cricket Jerseys for upper clothing and jeans for lower. These jeans usually smell. Is a member of the "Elite Cult Against Drugs And Drink". Often seen rummaging around local bakers. An expert in the making and consuming of Stake Beaks. His diet varies but consists of one day of storing chocolate in his system. When enemies are near, he release a strange odour. Victims claim it smells slightly of a mixture of bacon, cheese and shit. His personality is mixed. He composes songs such as 2004's hit track Better Place, from The Whirlwind EP. During 2003 and 2004, he was thrown out of two bands and failed to form many. 2004 became the year he was classified as a monster. He can be seen at many pubs, bakeries and music courses for wash ups. During 1998, he attempted suicide using a paper scissors. The idea being to cut off his finger. His attempts failed and his first transfomration into the monster began. Currently understood to be desperate for a female in his species.

A: Jesus Christ! What is that smell!
B: Oh god! WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY SWOTLEY!

3👍 3👎

swinette

A fictional musical instrument made by stretching two hairs across a pig's ass.

Usually used to piss off someone who is bothering you:
"Why don't you go play a swinette?"
"What's a swinette?"
"Two hairs stretched across a pig's ass, shithead!"

29👍 15👎

faringdon

Boring little village with nothing in it but houses and stoners.

Fancy trecking to faringdon to get some bud. I need to get wasted and Faringdon has loads of dealers

30👍 4👎

Stanford University

A prestigious private university where the asshole students can't decide whether they are better than everyone else because they're rich (which they are) or because they're smart (which they aren't). The parties suck and the girls are mediocre. The only bright side is that there are fewer hippies than at Berkeley.

Don't go to Stanford unless you hate having fun.

212👍 314👎

phantom ace

a poo that disappears round the bend of the loo before you stand up, and leaves no trace of pooey remnants on your arse when you wipe.
There is no actual proof that this has ever happened.

"I thought i had a poo, but there was nothing in the pan. When I wiped my arse, there was nothing there!"
"Youve had a phantom ace, mate."

11👍 10👎

loan shark

shady cahracter, normally small with weasly features who employs large henchmen. Usually ritually beaten at school, they loan money to people in dire need (who cannot raise funds through legitimate means), charging 'cricket score' interest rates with the threat of injury if a payment is missed.

"Ow, that hurt! I promise to pay the loan shark next week, sir"

2👍 2👎

butthole baby

The child born to a woman who had unprotected anal sex. The semen from the rectum drained (throughout daily activities, standing, walking, etc.) and eventually made its way down to her vagina, where it proceeded to impregnate her. It is possible. Mind you.

I fucked Mandie in the ass without a condom last night. She said it leaked and got in her pussy, she might have a butthole baby.

102👍 38👎