Spanish moss

The pubic hair of an elderly ho, which is often moldy, greenish in color, and infested with crabs, lice, brown recluse spiders, beetle larvae, maggots and other living and dead organisms. The aroma given off from Spanish moss is overwhelming and can sometimes be fatal.

Doctor: Nurse, come in here please! I can't place a catheter in this patient!

Nurse: Why not, Doctor? Is there too much Spanish moss around her twat or something?

Doctor: Maybe so. Would you give me a hand on this one??

Nurse: Sure, doctor. Let me put on some gloves and I'll see if I can make my way through that Spanish moss. Pee-ooo!


*** RELATED LIMERICK ***

There was an old whore from the Azores,
Whose cunt was so covered with sores;
That the dogs in the street
Wouldn't eat the green meat,
That hung from festoons on her drawers.

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scumbag slut

(n.) One that indulges in felching used condoms (scumbags), regardless of what orifice it was used to penetrate. The afflicted individual then consumes the condom to top off the delicious snack.

As she strutted down the sidewalk in her slutty attire, she thought of how great it felt to be the most popular scumbag slut in the red light district of town.

"Say, Doc, there's three rubbers in the vomit of that guy in ER room 5. This patient is a scumbag slut if I ever saw one."

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chat sex

(n.) Same as phone sex, except that one must keep both hands on the keyboard. This indicates that one must use one's feet to masturbate, or learn to type with their toes. This leaves both hands free to grope yourself and someone else simultaneously. If fortune prevails, you could use the other hand to perform a rusty trombone or rusty trumpet on your favorite live sex partner while having chat sex with a third party.

STEVE42: Are you there, Bruce?
BRUCE69: Yes.
STEVE42: Let's have chat sex, OK?
BRUCE69: All right, man!
STEVE42: Let me find my big giant dildo, OK?
BRUCE69: OK. I'll just give your grandmother a rusty trumpet to pass the time, OK?
STEVE42: Sounds good.
BRUCE69: All right, my man! We're gonna get naked and nasty tonight!

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dinge binge

(n.) A certain kind of addictive feature that occurs when a dinge queen goes into a manic state.

"Hey, what's up with Bubba? Did he go on another dinge binge or something?"

"Yes. He's in Harlem Heaven right now."

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schplotz

1. (v.) To engage in sexual intercourse with a person or object.

2. (v.) To penetrate the deep orifices or cavities of a person or object with a dildo. It is more polite to use this term than the F-word in mixed company.

This must not be misconstrued or misspelled as the verb splotch.

Synonym: fuck

I love to schplotz myself with a broom handle.

John and Mary were arrested for schplotzing on their front lawn.

He schplotzed his inflatable doll all night long.

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Barbara's Bush

(n.) The true origin of president George Walker Bush.

Nobody knew that Barbara's Bush would one day bear forth a fruit with the mentality of a vegetable.

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bunghole

1. (n.) Synonymous with anus/asshole/ringpiece/balloon knot.

2. (v.) To buttfuck a person (see also cornhole and pound).

1. You have a rather nice looking bunghole. Mind if I insert my holepole into it for a bit?

2. G'day, mate... I got my rocks off last night by getting bungholed by three different sailors.

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