Tim Walz

The vice presidential running mate of Cackling Kamala Harris in the 2024 election. He fell out of a coconut tree and hit his head in the process, resulting in him becoming governor of Minnesota. During his tenure, he has supported socialism, refused to deal with dangerous rioters, put tampons in boys' bathrooms, lied about his military record repeatedly, opened a hotline to report neighbors for violating social distancing during covid.

In spite of all of these things, he has the audacity to be a faux moderate politician and 'midwestern dad'. He and his presidential running mate have the temerity to give no serious or detailed outline of the policies they endorse or support.

Katie: "Who's that guy Tim Walz?"

Carl: "Imagine Fidel Castro if he pretended to be a moderate politician."

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school

The biggest waste of time on the planet. It sucks up taxpayer dollars, time, sleep, happiness, and your childhood, and outputs bullies, drugs, and homework. You are taken there by a yellow monstrosity known as a bus, and are forced to sit patiently as it picks up other kids. The majority of these 'kids' are morons who play loud music, yell and cuss, talk about sex, throw trash, disrespect authority, pretend to be tough, and eat hot cheetos. With such 'powerful' people on the bus, you will somehow end up getting harassed and picked on. It is virtually impossible to do homework, study, sleep, relax, or focus on anything outside of blankly staring ahead wishing you were somewhere else. Once you are off the bus, you enter into your school where your ass begins to develop lumps of what look like malign cancer due to sitting in a hard, plastic chair all day. After several periods in hell, you get to arrive at the cafeteria, where you can enjoy half-cooked frozen food that looks like it was taken straight out of a swamp and put in the microwave for half an hour. If you trip and spill food on yourself, consider your high-school career over. Skills that could easily be picked up by a robot are instead thrown as responsibilities onto you so that instead of doing something valuable with your time, you can be learning quadratic formulas from Sal Khan. In conclusion, school was the combined vision of Satan and the American education system.

Tom: How is school here?
Mike: Just imagine hell and education were fused together by a Karen.

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High school

A fusion of education and prison for adolescents.

Calling it 'the best four years of your life' is fucking bullshit. Each year you spend at this so-called 'school' has it's own special horrors.

Freshmen: Every other grade hates you. You probably hate yourself, too, because you're too goofy for the older grades who've lost their desire to exist. Having anything remotely close to an interaction with one of you is like trying to talk to a circus animal who just got introduced to cocaine.

Sophomores: At this point, you begin to understand why freshman are hated as much as they are. The main feature of your sophomore year is that 'groups' such as the athletes, the nerds, and the druggies emerge. It's like being in a television show where everybody is a walking stereotype.

Juniors: You've probably lost your sanity and your will to live by this point. Because senior year is just a big blow-off and a waste of everybody's time, you get to spend this year cramming four semesters' worth of content into two. The main specialty of this year is getting carpet-bombed into oblivion by homework.

Seniors: You spend no time on school whatsoever. In school, you probably don't give a single fuck what your grades are and will instead devote endless hours to doing nothing when you could be in college or at home learning a skill.

Karl: What is that giant brick building?

Joe: That's high school.

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Democrat

Formerly the 'party of the working class,' now just a group of corrupt elitist scumbags running the U.S. government. Well-known for wanting to raise taxes, degrade white people, open the borders, release criminals, support domestic terrorism, expand the government, and get rich doing it.

Person 1: Our current president is a Democrat!

Person 2: Yeah, I heard he likes ice cream more than running the country!

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Pull

Generally attributed to men. 'To pull' means attracting a member of the opposite sex successfully to the extent that you are able to date the person and presumably make out with them or engage in sex at some point in the future.

If you 'pull' somebody, they are intensely attracted to you as well.

Sarah: What's the deal with Lizzie?
Mary: I heard she made out with John after the football game yesterday!
Sarah: Yeah, he pulled her.

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damn that's crazy

The phrase to use when you're conversing with somebody that can't shut the fuck up. A lot of people have a limited number of times they'll say the phrase before interrupting, walking off, or ending the conversation. Unfortunately, social media has inflated people's self importance enough to where this phrase is used quite often.

Freddie: "So anyway, I had to deal with the health insurance company, and just wait until I tell you about THAT phone call."

Aaron: "damn that's crazy"

damn that's crazy

The line you use when your friend is rambling on about bullshit you don't care about and they lack the social awareness to shut the fuck up, so you say the bare minimum to sound engaged.

Frequently but not always, the line has to be used when interacting with one specific person that thinks the drama in their life is interesting to everyone around them. These tend to be the same people who use speakerphone in public and blast music in their cars because they assume the world revolves around them.

George: ...so me and Macy were going out, and we saw Jacob hanging out with Maddie!

Paul: damn that's crazy

George: ...and then (proceeds to continue spouting worthless shit)