Mehxican Food

Mehxican food is Mexican food that you get from Taco Bell at 1 AM. It’s ok, but never genuinely good.

“So what did you eat after you landed?”
“Nothing was open so I just got some Mehxican food from Del Taco. It was alright.”

Moon Children

A cult established in the early 2000’s dedicated towards all the normal cult stuff. Sacrifices, prayers, putting the souls of a dead kid into a copy of Majora’s Mask, all that good stuff.

“So what’s up with that creepy-pasta Ben Drowned?

“Some kid sacrificed himself in a cult called the Moon Children and haunted a Game cartridge.

Furry

Furries are the easiest prey to hunt. Although they have the ability to stand on 2 legs, furries are incapable of thought or comprehension of the most simple situations, so they just pretend to be a pretty kitty and get shot by any hunter capable of existing.

“Dude, there’s a furry convention today.”
(Loads shotgun) “Let’s go.”

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Mary

Mary is that one super religious girl no man can pick up with a working arcade crane.

“Hey who’s that hot stuff?”
“That’s Mary. Rumor has it that she signed a chastity pledge at age 1.”
“Damn.”

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Chuck

Chuck runs the 711 at the gas station. He’s your typical 40 year old guy from Nebraska. Balding, loves wearing his lucky hat, and drives a Chevy truck from 1981. Chuck is your good friend you know pretty well and is the best guy in the world to drink a couple Budweiser’s with at the bar.

“Hey Chuck. What brings you back here?”
“Welp, I just busted a gasket on the old Chevy and I came to get a cold one before I fix it tomorrow.”

Kevin

Kevin is your basic non-abusive step-dad. He drives everyone to softball practice, and is also the coach. Kevin loves wearing polo shirts and khakis, so people often mocks him for being way too basic. Kevin also likes black coffee and is extremely socially akward. He’s your basic 50 year old back burner bitch.

“Hey Kevin, is that a new shirt?”
“Nope! I haven’t bought any new shirts since 2006.”
“Oh. That’s nice.”

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Jezzabelle

Jezzabelle is that one girl from Alabama or Mississippi that is so goddamn proud of being a southerner but actually lives in Michigan.

“HOWDY Y’ALL MY NAME IS JEZZABELLE AND I’M FROM MONTGOMERY ALABAMA!!!!!!”
“Um. Ok. My name is Jake and this is Michigan.”
“Shit.”

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