Color Bars

What Stock Footage instantly turns into when it is discovered.

In the following example Speaker B's failed Stock Footage is revealed to Speaker A to be Color Bars

Speaker B: "... yeah totally... "

Speaker A; "So can you even blame her? After all that it turns out that her cat Snuggles had been been run over by a U-Haul just that morning! "

Speaker B: "... that's awesome ... "

Speaker A: "Are you even listening to me?"

Speaker B: "Umm..."

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Fat Mac

A variation of the classic McDonald's Big Mac sandwich in which the standard hamburger patties are replaced by quarter-pounder burgers via special order.

This restores the sandwich to the original glory it enjoyed upon its introduction in 1968 before the burgers slowly shrank over decades until the present when they are dwarfed by White Castle patties.

Because the flimsy sesame seed buns haven't had a real burger placed on them in decades, the Fat Mac special order violates the use-as-directed warranty and may result in injury or Special Sauce spillage. For this reason it is customary to cut the sandwich into quarters and treat each fourth as if it were a dainty canape.

The Super-Size Fat Mac Value Meal is traditionally eaten in celebration of the breaking of one's diet.

1.
Customer: "Gimme a Big Mac with quarter-pounder burgers value meal with large Coke. And I'm gonna go with a Fillet-O-Fish sandwich, since that has less calories 'cos it's fish."

Teller: "One Fat Mac meal, one Filet-O-Fish would you like to Super-Size that?"

Customer: "Oh yes."

2.
Glutton 1: "Gater holy shit you ate three Fat Macs?!?"

Glutton 2: "Burp! Are you gonna eat those chicken nuggets?"

Glutton 1: "You are a Golden God!"

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Stock Footage

A telephone conversation skill that involves giving the impression of listening to one's interlocutor's monologue while actually focusing on a separate unrelated task that demands all of one's conscious attention. This technique allow one to focus on one of the myriad tasks that demand our time in this Information Age such as checking email, reading product labels, console video games, television subplot hermeneutics, etc.

The effective Stock Footage skill set includes (at least):
1. Subliminally registering important words,
2. Following the tone and cadence of your partner's voice while ignoring its content,
3. Judiciously interjecting soothing phrases when appropriate,
4. And, (the most expert skill) responding to the dreaded "Are you even listening to me?" or somesuch query by reconstructing from one's subconscious mind enough of the meaning of the fellow communicant's narrative to prevent a highly undesirable incidence of Color Bars.

In the following example, Speaker B is engaging in Stock Footage:

Speaker A: "...and so she says to me 'no way' and i go 'you've GOT to be kidding me' and he goes 'no you DIDN'T' and then they both started in again with the, you know, and I was like so... "

Speaker B: "So.. what?"

Speaker A: "Embarrassed, you know? Are you even listening to me?"

Speaker B; "Yes, of course, they were at it again with the same old same old can you believe it?'

Speaker A; "I know! And then she was like..."

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