Cogswell

Cogswell is a proper noun that describes a man with these exact characteristics:

1. A pseudo alpha male.
2. A male centered chauvinist of highest rapport.
3. Must be a two faced, backstabbing, double-crossing “friend” who will shake one’s hand on Monday and cut it off on Tuesday. Then on Wednesday, shake the other hand in reconciliation while secretly cutting off the “friend’s” schlong with a dull knife.
4. Must be able to seduce young and vulnerable Christian women at least 5 years younger than him that have recently experienced new found freedom and don’t know any better.
5. This young woman must be a recent ex of the aforementioned “friend”.
6. Must be overconfident, unwarrantedly or impertinently bold, and overtly zealous in all areas in life, while contrarily lacking any sense of reason, analytical thought, and plainly, mere intellect.
7. Must be able to callously break the heart of his long term romantic partner by leaving her as well as concurrently seducing the aforementioned young and vulnerable Christian woman.
8. Must lack any sense of clothing or hair style.
9. Must be able to consciously flirt with anything and everything that has two breasts and a vagina while harmoniously philandering the aforementioned romantic partner.
10. Lastly, must attempt to cover up his diminutive schlort by continually “proving” himself to other men through words, not actions. This should typically backfire, proving how pint-sized his schlort actually is.

Friend 1: “Dude, you’re being a supreme douchebag, almost a fricken Cogswell.”

Friend 2: “Are you serious? There’s no way man! I mean, I know I’m a douche, but seriously! It would be next to impossible to meet all of the Cogswellian requirements.”

Friend 1: “Yeah, you’re right. It definitely takes a special breed of person to get that low.”

Friend 2: “Promise me one thing bro. If I ever even get close to becoming a Cogswell, I want you to personally kick my ass.”

Friend 1: “Will do.”

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Facebook cock block

When a desperate girl or woman (typically overweight) lights up your Facebook with comments that make it appear as if the two of you are dating. This usually happens whenever your relational status is set to single (and in some cases when you don’t have a relational status set). By doing this, she effectively sends a nonverbal signal to potential mates that you are already dating, but haven’t made it “official” yet.

Desperado’s comment on wall: "Hey thanks so much for talking with me last night! I can’t wait to see you next weekend!"

The poor male’s mental response: "What the hell? Since when does ‘nothin’ as a response to ‘whats up?’ on Facebook chat constitute as talking? Next weekend? What the fu- oooohh, that bitch is trying to Facebook cock block!"

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gary hole

A special space located within the “Stacks” section of the campus library in which there exists a small open hole in one of the shelves in which an erect penis can be anonymously shoved and serviced. Similar to the infamous glory hole.

Gary: Hey bub, it's about time we go to the stacks and "shelf read".

Unsuspecting young male hourly worker: Oh.. uh... Ok boss.

Gary: Mmmhmmm

Gary (to self): I hope the gary hole is ready for some schweet actions.

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niggapoof

Similar to the noun niggerpuff in that it defines a gay black man. However, this slang version is used by "gang bangers" as a way to achieve a sense of brotherhood.

N1: "Yo Tyrone!"
N2: "Whachu want niggapoof"
N1: "Awwwwww snaaaayyppe!"
N2: "DEEEEAAAAAYYYMMMNNN!"

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lofcourse

Chatspeak for "lol, of course."

P1: "I really find solace in blogging about my innermost thoughts."

P2: "I don't get that!"

P1: "Lofcourse not, we're polar opposites."

P2: "Lofcourse!"

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Cogswellianism

A life practice or way of life that is built upon rigorously following the characteristics of a Cogswell.

Friend 1: "I'm thinking about practicing Cogswellianism."

Friend 2: "I don't mean to shatter your hopes... But it's pretty much impossible to be a TRUE Cogswellian."

Friend 1: "For real?

Friend 2: "Yeah man... Last time I heard, there's only a few or possibly even one TRUE Cogswellian."

Friend 3: "If I met that guy, I'd kick his ass"

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pseudo alpha male

1. One who is a completely fraudulent alpha male.
2. One who lacks any sort of the real life attributes of an alpha male, while conversely acting like he is one.
3. The first and most substantial commandment in the practice of Cogswellianism.

Friend 1: "Mike is such a complete pseudo alpha male."

Friend 2: "How can you tell?"

Friend 1: "Well, he may try to be domineering, but there's not a single guy I know that fears or even remotely respects him."

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