cock on a string

A large dog, that since it was a puppy, has been kept on a short leash and never let out, only being fed large amounts of raw beef while being kicked in the balls and shouted at.
It is later taken out into society by a psycopath with a similar upbringing that, despite my bollock numbing disbelief, still deems nessesary the protection of a 200 pound monster.

"You seen Brian's new cock on a string?"
"Yeah, bet his bark's worse than his bite though, eh?"
"Fuck no, had my hand the other day, had to kick him in the balls."
"Bet that improved his temperament."
"Fuck no, made him let go though."

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maek

Pronounced: 'mack' unless you're a cute Danish girl and then you can pronounce it any damn way you please.
Origin: Sound of a whining duck likened by a friend of mine to our German/Irish flatmates incessant complaining and sponging.
Later, through massive repetition, taken, begrudgingly at first, into the hearts and vocabularys of friends and pub mates.
Why?: It's basically another word for bullshit, but you can say it in a funny way, like a duck, or in a derogatory way, like if the person talking is such a dickfuck twat that you can't be fucked to glass them, yet still feel the need to express your feelings.
Also useful as a word in a sentence when you can't think of the right one, or just as punctuation or to keep strangers away, people that might be getting too close, starting to see the mask slip. Sorry, where were we?

"Chris, come on, look at this mess - I've been at work all day, been shopping, and you promised you'd wash up and make the bed. And the wet cloths are still in the washing mashine!"
"Maek maek."

"So I was going down the shops and I saw Brian and he was like the usual you know, maek maek."
"Same old Brian."
"Yeah..."

"Alright Chris, how's tricks?"
"Oh, the usual maek."

(Good looking friend of a friend, aquaintance, whatever - nice arse, she comes along and goes to take one of your cigarettes without asking, just giving a cheeky grin. And you, quick as a fox, snatch the packing and bark "maek" in her face.)
Hang on... is this why I haven't been getting laid much lately?

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