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President Shock Jock - Our president speaks like the shock jocks of the nineties.
Me: Did you hear that our President called some third world countries, shithole countries?
Him: That's President Shock Jock for you! He's like having Howard Stern for President.
Me: Is that good diplomacy?
Him: What do you think?
My "man not man" replaces the super irritating "its complicated" status and also expands on ambiguous relationships. My man not man could be a friends with benefits, a recent break up that didn't quite stick so you're still talking a little, being barely married, dissatisfaction with the relationship you're in, or any other semi-relationship.
Me: You are never going to guess what happened today.
Her: What?
Me: My phone butt dialed my man not man today. We never talk on the phone - just text. So -
Her: Wait butt dialed today - it's Valentine's Day!
Me: Oh shit you're right! This is a disaster!
A Black Thumb is the male equivalent of a black widow. It's a toxic, narcissistic man who is poisonous to everyone he encounters, much like Henry the VIII. His heart is black as the underworld, and he's as attractive as a thumb, hence black thumb.
Her: Are you still dating Killian?
Me: That guy is a black thumb, I'm embarrassed I ever dated him.
Summer camp is code (when you're in public) for lost time due to incarceration or mental health issues, both prisons and psych wards offer activities that resemble summer camp as a child.
Him: Where did you learn how to write so well and meditate? You're amazing!
Me: I thought I told you. I learned in summer camp.
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Prosperity preachers preach in mega-churches. Their motives range from being highly suspect to downright unscrupulous.
Him: Can you believe Joel Osteen didn't open his church during that hurricane in Texas?
Me: What do you expect from a prosperity preacher
A person that is no longer in your life and basically dead to you, is a carbon fart.
David is nothing more than a carbon fart - nothing but hot air and empty promises. Can't believe he's one of my exes - what did I see in that guy?
Mental termites are words or arguments that slowly chip away at your self-worth, hitting you exactly where it hurts. If your brain is getting mental termites from a relationship, you must be in a relationship with a narcissist.
Me looking in mirror - I can't even believe that he cheated on me and told me it was my fault because I had to work late. I improved his life in every possible way. Now all the bad memories are bringing me down like mental termites.