Cristiano Columbus

A Portuguese footballer and penalty merchant who is the descendant of the famous Italian explorer Christopher Columbus.

Cristiano Columbus is known for discovering numerous countries on international breaks together with his assistant Bruno Penandes.

He would normaly travel millions of miles, experiencing severe goal droughts, before arriving at a previously undiscovered location and planting his flag while shouting SIUUUUUU! Like a total bellend. Absolute fraud.

"Do you know about the countries Lithuania and Faroe Islands?"

'No, when were they discovered?'

"Last week by the explorer Cristiano Columbus."

'Oh right, no wonder I never heard about those places before.'

"Neither did I"