Briggs Bang Theory

A widely discredited theory that the universe was created by the bohemian artist Briggsy buggering God.

'I firmly believe that Briggsy's latest chalk masterpiece, "Rubber Glove and Telephone in Kenny Everett's Wok" is his finest work since he created the world with his tiny, diseased phallus.'

'Ah, Melvin, I'm pleased to hear you subscribe to the Briggs bang theory. Although if Briggsy had used pastels instead of chalk it would've pushed the Creation into a poor second.

Briggsy ring-splitter

A popular homosexual practice in which a bender takes two dicks in his ass at the same time. Named after the famous gay artist Briggsy who popularised it at his renowned gay soirees in the 1990s.

It's no wonder that Briggsy walked funny. Nigel and Quentin gave me a Briggsy ring-splitter at the weekend and I haven't been able to sit down since.