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Similar to a Fitbit around your wrist, this device goes around your waist. Every time you defecate, it will sense that you are about to excrete fecal matter and will start going to work. With its advanced detection system, this device will calculate the amount of snickers dropped in the punch bowl, total squeezes of the sphincter, and will even detect the development of hemorrhoids during the painful process of squeezing out your piping hot logs. At the end of the week, the device will send you a report of how many dumps you have taken each day. It will also recommend lifestyle changes if you are dropping the kids off at the pool too frequently throughout the week. This device is available for a price of $69.99.
Tyrant: Yo dude, my shits have been crazy lately. The tater tots I ate yesterday legit blew through me like a laxative. I bought a Shitbit to help me track how many times I shit per day and the number is astounding. On average, i shit about 4 to 5 times a day.
Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.
Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. Thatâs why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.
Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.
Having two computer monitors for the purpose of watching porn. This will allow the viewer to listen to the moaning through two high definition speakers, which makes for some great fondling and erotic ejaculations.
Big Easy: Dude, I was plowing my wife last night, and she was moaning like a whale on crack.
Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out itâs blowhole. It really works wonders.
Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.
This is like the tradition âRunning with the bullsâ, except it involves a woman or women running from âbuhlsâ. The buhls represent a bunch of horny dudes tryna pound some Krabby patties.
Shaqueefa: I had such a fab weekend. My boyfriend treated me to a nice Mongolian battering ram (See Mongolian Battering Ram) and even gave me a nice Cleveland Steamer. What a gentleman!!
Quontilfa: Ugh I wish I could say the same⦠I went running from the buhls all weekend. Even got speared a few times by their horns. Have to say it felt pretty good though.
Shaqueefa: Ima come with you next time. We can definitely outrun those buhls ;)
So one night youâre laying in bed and your stomach starts to hurt. So you go to the bathroom to drop a dook. You start pumpin out some snickers but then you realize you gotta puke. With your b-hole all greased up, youâre hesitant to get off the shitter. Before you can even make any decision, your throat sphincter gives in and releases your intestine goo. Reacting quickly, you aim down at the toilet you are still sitting on... and now you have a puke dick. Nice goin a-hole.
Miguel Cumbrera: Yo amigo. How you handling the quarantino?
Antonio Bonederas: Mi Hermano itâs not going so bueno. Last night I went to drop some snickers in the punch bowl, and I ended up with puke-dick & shit too. At least I canât go anywhere, so my chicas at the club wonât know.
Miguel Cumbrera: Hombre thatâs some gnarly mierda you got there. You and me should get together tomorrow for drinks. How about some Coronas?
An exclamation that a man yells when he is about to go balls deep in his womanâs hoo hoo and wants her to know that his wang is the greatest. This will arouse the woman and make her moister than a 6 month old heavily used sponge.
Stoney: Yo bro, howâs it hangin?
Big Queefy: You mean like howâs it going or how my wang is hangin?
Stoney: I mean.... I guess both lol
Big Queefy: Well Iâm doing well thanks for asking. My wang on the other hand is in urgent care recovery. I screamed Allahu Cockbar when I was slamming this hoe last night and she opened up like a newly born clam popping out of its shell. I smashed her way too hard and bruised my brisket. So thatâs how my mangled meat is doing.
Stoney: Damn bro, lmk if you need me to tag in next time. I wouldâve been ready to go.
This uneventful situation occurs when the womanâs vagina is too small to accompany the manâs schlong. The male attempts to use his penis as a battering ram to forcefully penetrate the womanâs vagina, mimicking the act of a crazed Mongolian trying to annihilate the Great Wall of China. If and when the man achieves penetration, a successful Mongolian battering ram has been accomplished.
Guy: Dude how was your weekend?
Nick Foles: It was great. I won another Super Bowl and performed a Mongolian Battering Ram on my wife because my dick is just way too big.
Guy: Bro thatâs wicked. Youâll have to show me sometime.
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This occurs when you expel your spank juice and go to empty the rain from your meat tube. Your garden hose will be weak after the storm that just took place, and the bushes (your hanging walnuts) will get a nice rain shower. Fun fact: An occasional rain shower helps the bushes grow nice and strong!
Tyraint: Yo brewski, schlong time no see. Wanna hit the club this weekend?
Big Queefy: Sup tyrantula.. I think I gotta take the weekend off. I slammed this 350-lb gorilla last weekend and there was a severe thunderstorm, so my garden hose has been super weak lately. Iâve been watering the bushes the last 5 days, so I gotta take some time to recover.
Tyraint: Damn sounds like you banged Whorambeâs sister? I wouldâve loved to experience that, good for you my guy. Hope you and your bushes are doing well, take care.