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Similar to a Fitbit around your wrist, this device goes around your waist. Every time you defecate, it will sense that you are about to excrete fecal matter and will start going to work. With its advanced detection system, this device will calculate the amount of snickers dropped in the punch bowl, total squeezes of the sphincter, and will even detect the development of hemorrhoids during the painful process of squeezing out your piping hot logs. At the end of the week, the device will send you a report of how many dumps you have taken each day. It will also recommend lifestyle changes if you are dropping the kids off at the pool too frequently throughout the week. This device is available for a price of $69.99.
Tyrant: Yo dude, my shits have been crazy lately. The tater tots I ate yesterday legit blew through me like a laxative. I bought a Shitbit to help me track how many times I shit per day and the number is astounding. On average, i shit about 4 to 5 times a day.
Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.
Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. Thatâs why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.
Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.
Having two computer monitors for the purpose of watching porn. This will allow the viewer to listen to the moaning through two high definition speakers, which makes for some great fondling and erotic ejaculations.
Big Easy: Dude, I was plowing my wife last night, and she was moaning like a whale on crack.
Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out itâs blowhole. It really works wonders.
Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.
This steamy act unfolds with a man blowing his boogies all over his hoeâs face. If he wants to get extra kinky, the slore will open her mouth and suck up all the boogies while he shoots them out of his nose, similar to a vacuum cleaner sucking up dust.
Stonyus Maximus (SM): Yo brotein Shake, merry Clitmas. How was your ho-ho-holiday?
Big Beefy Queefy (BBQ): Sup asshole, my Clitmas was good. Popped this chickâs cherry and dropped a chocolate rain on her afterwards. Hbu?
SM: Mine was solid. I hit this skank with a pile of Boogkake. Throttled that shit down her throat faster than Kim John Ewn fires his rockets into the sky.
BBQ: You sir are a bonerfide badass. Invite me next time and we can be Boogskimo Bros.
Pounding a hoe in the vag or even the spinky, when feeling daring enough. The male thrusts at a speed that is resembling of a jack hammer. This may cause small fissures and sometimes even full cracks in the applicable genitalia/shit-partition.
Tyrant: Dude I went trout fishing last night, caught a few. Hbu?
Big Easy: Dawg I went jack-hammering with my wife. Pounded her spinky so hard I created a crack in her ass.... now she has two asscracks.
7👍 9👎
This occurs when you expel your spank juice and go to empty the rain from your meat tube. Your garden hose will be weak after the storm that just took place, and the bushes (your hanging walnuts) will get a nice rain shower. Fun fact: An occasional rain shower helps the bushes grow nice and strong!
Tyraint: Yo brewski, schlong time no see. Wanna hit the club this weekend?
Big Queefy: Sup tyrantula.. I think I gotta take the weekend off. I slammed this 350-lb gorilla last weekend and there was a severe thunderstorm, so my garden hose has been super weak lately. Iâve been watering the bushes the last 5 days, so I gotta take some time to recover.
Tyraint: Damn sounds like you banged Whorambeâs sister? I wouldâve loved to experience that, good for you my guy. Hope you and your bushes are doing well, take care.
A man loads his semen into the jacuzzi jets before turning on the tub. The next unassuming woman to take a relaxing bath will be bombarded with the manâs jitt (hense jittcuzzi). The sloor may later becum pregnant from the jacuzzi jets firing the jizz into her cooch, like that of a cannonball shooting out of a cannon.
Disclaimer: Not recommended in Alabama
Caitlin Jenner: Took a nice bubble bath in my neighborâs hot tub last night. It was hella relaxing.
Pimp: Bitch, hope you wasnât in a Jittcuzzi Tub of Cumception. Them shits will get you preg af. Worst thing is, if you is in Alabamer, they gonâ make you keep the baby. Unless you wanna go to jail and get pounded by Sandusky type mofos and shit like that.
This one is a nightmare bro, donât want this to happen to you bruh. Anyway, this starts off by you choking your chicken until you excrete ur man juice onto a soft tissue. You then go to dispose of said rag, but you trip over a foreign object bc it is dark af and 2am. Your cum rag splashes everywhere, including on your face. What else could go wrong?? Well.. Your mom, startled, scurries into the room to check if you are okay and she too becums covered in goo. This is a cumplete nightmare.
Miguel: Hey guy, have any plans for the weekend?
Antoine: Nah man, last night was a cumplete nightmare. Think I better lay low for a couple nights.
Miguel: What happened?
Antoine: Iâd rather not say. Iâm still tryna clean up the damage...