Sessionist

A session musician who doesn’t have time to say “session musician.”

Spence Peppard plays guitar in the studio, but since “session musician” takes entirely too long to say, he fancies himself a “sessionist.” What a dope.

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concerteer

A person who performs concerts, but wants to sound more like a Spanish swordsman.

Spence Peppard likes to play concerts for people, but he often corrects them when they call him a musician. “No, no. I’m a concerteer, madam.” Then he takes out his sword and cuts his initials in the drapes, but he’s illiterate, so he gets the letters wrong. What an imbecile.