Surprise anal

Surprise anal is where a guy, probably a Captain Brownsword, starts by patrolling a bar until he comes across a female wearing a short dress or skirt, sitting on a high bar stool.

Captain Brownsword will then check to make sure the lady in question is;

A - Definitely a lady
B - A willing participant

He will be able to tell she is a willing participant because she will be wearing no pants and her rim will be glistening with lube.

Brownsword will then flop out his John Thomas and steam into the womens brown pipe, totally ignoring the pink, right there in the bar.

Considerately, It will take him approximately 2 mins to blow his load all over her rim, giving her ample time to come twice.

He then then puts his sword back in its scabbath and leaves the lucky lady quivering on her bar stool, covered in his holy water.

Please note: Surprise anal can only be performed properly in a bar and any wishing to pursue the sport should go to youporn and type in surprise anal. This will give you a video guide as to how it is done.

'Look, theres a surprise anal going on at the bar, you can see the women is getting a damn good piping and loving ever second. Her mate looks really jealous'

'Wait there, I have just seen Captain Brownsword at the bar. I need to go and take off my panties, lube up and get the bar quick before he plants one in another lucky slut. Please help, I might never get another chance like this one'

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Captain Brownsword

A man with a large John Thomas who, over time, has come to deal exclusively in the hard brown. He has become fatally allergic to the pink and finds normal sex both pointless and irritating. He is also partial to occasional bouts of surprise anal which are invariably met with gratitude and requests for a repeat performance.

A hero among modern men, someone who flies in the face of modern womens tendancy to turn down legitimate requests for anal action. If they want a piece of Captain Brownsword, then they are going to have to enjoy some ring sting.

'Who was that guy we were out with last night?' 'That was Captain Brownsword, do you know, he hasn't been near a pussy in 4 years?! what a legend'

'Oh my god, who is that guy by the bar? There is something really dangerous and heroic about him.' 'Thats Captain Brownsword, go sit near him on a bar stool and you will find out what him and surprise anal are all about'

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