Haunted Sex

{hawnt-d sekx} noun, 1. Bizarre intercourse using the missionary position where the participant on the bottom, laying on their back with face up, is motionless - virtually catatonic - and absolutely quiet with an blank, eerie expression on their face throughout the entire sexual act 2. intercourse with a coldfish that is mentally uncomfortable and/or disturbing due to the comportment of the coldfish 3. any form of creepy, eery or weird non-fetish sexual activity 4. sex with a ghost, e.g. succubus or incubus

Note: Haunted sex is much more than motionless, lazy sex or zombie sex. There is a definite element of the profoundly disturbed present - something straight out of the Twilight Zone. Furthermore, no one suspects that they are about to experience this type of sex. There are no signs present to indicate that you are in for the truly bizarre (i.e. the potential sex mate appears to be completely normal - for all practical purposes it seems that you are going to get laid and it just might be some great sex).

Very irksome to those of us who have had the mis-fortune of experiencing it.

Last night I had the worst sexual experience of my life with a coldfish. Truly awful - she didn't move and just laid there with an empty expression on her face the whole time. It really sent a shiver up my spine. I'd have been better-off staying at home and choking the chicken.

She's really weird - all your going to get from of her is haunted sex. My advice to you is to not waste your time - unless you're into bizarre sex.

Anna Nicole Smith stated that she had haunted sex with an incubus. She reported that it went up her leg and gave her the best orgasm that she had ever experienced. Plus she wasn't afraid - she liked it. Ms. Smith had problems.

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Hotburn

{hawt-bern} noun, 1. An intensely warm fart accompanied by a deep burning sensation around the exterior anal sphincter - typically with an atrociously disgusting odor; the burning sensation is the result of contact between digestive system acids and an irritated anus - which is due to habitual picking and scratching

That hotburn made me gag.

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Jake-Brake

{jayk-brayk} noun, 1. A person that interferes and/or prevents a hit or pick-up 2. A cock-blocker (us. female)

No I didn't get her number - the frickin' jake-brake pulled her out to the dance floor just when I started talking to her.

Damn, the jake-brake told her that I was married.

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Bookerd

{book-rd} adjective, 1. the condition of being highly intoxicated 2. fubared

That guy is bookerd.

She planned on getting bookerd. Now she's paying for it with a hangover from hell.

Counter Fuck

{cown-ter fuhk} noun, 1. sexual intercourse outside of a relationship as retaliation for a partner's cheating or other infidelities 2. the person with which one has the counter fuck intercourse

I think she should counter fuck him. That'll teach him not to cheat.

He cheated on her last week so she's on a mission to find a counter fuck.

Check it out, there goes his counter fuck.

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Big Daddy Duke

{beeg dahddee dook} noun, 1. A very popular male - especially amongst females 2. An alpha male with lots of money 3. A very large penis

We'll get Big Daddy Duke to bring the chicks.

He ain't called Big Daddy Duke for no reason - he makes a hundred grand a year.

Wow, he's got a Big Daddy Duke - I couldn't get it all the way in. I choked, I gagged, I quiffed...Oh my!

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Double Shelved

{dub-el shelvd} verb transitive, 1. to be rejected by someone - usually when making a romantic pass or hit on them 2. jilted

He's all depressed because he got double shelved by the woman he likes. She told him "No way, you're a loser."

Oh man, you got double shelved!