The Fitness Gram Pacer Test

What the speaker says:
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. beep A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

How it is:
The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test designed to torture children and make them want to die. It progressively gets more shitty as it continues. The 20-meter death test will begin in 30 secs. It will have you gasping for breath while your P.E. teacher yells at you to "KEEP MOVING" and you want to tell him to STFU. Line up at the start. The running speed starts fine I guess you could say but gets faster and makes you feel more suicidal each minute after you hear this signal. beep A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run even when you want to fucking faint and never walk again. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over and you will thank god for giving you mercy. The test will begin on the dreaded word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

* poor student 1 dragging on the floor herself through the hall because she can't even bear to walk.*

Poor student 1: *moans in pain*
Her athletic best friend: Come on you can get there.
Poor student 1: * says in very tired voice* Can't you see I'm trying.
*two Athletic students carrying poor student 2 to the nurse's office because he fainted in the middle of the test and will probably only get an ice pack*
Her Athletic Friend: Poor kid
Poor student number 1: I am not surprised. This is what the Fitness Gram Pacer test does to children.

25👍 3👎

Blanket

It’s a like a towel but warmer and fuzzier and when you cover your entire body with it except you face murderers and monsters are powerless because of the protection of the blanket and it’s force field.

Dude 1: wow it’s scary here
Dude 2: don’t be scared man I brought blankets to protects us from the cold and the monsters

Dude 1: thanks man that make me feel way better

Kobe Bryant

He is the G.O.A.T. I REPEAT HE IS THE G.O.A.T! He died in a helicopter crash and made everyone on earth cry. He also played for the Lakers his entire basketball career and had the numbers 24 and 8.

Dude number 1: DUDE! DID YOU HEAR ABOUT KOBE!?
Dude number 2: Yah I did! Its AWFUL man! I made 24 shots in honor of him and I think I'm gonna wear my Bryant jersey all fucking month!
Dude number 1: YOU KNOW WHAT MAN!?!?! SAME!

Dude number 2: Yah he was so good at basketball
Dude number 1: That's Kobe Bryant

1👍 1👎

Ok boomer

When a baby boomer says or does something stupid and or does not make sense this is the correct response. Also very good to use when a boomer is being rude especially when they are judging people on things they do all the time.

*Non boomer 1 and non boomer 2 are walking in the mall and non boomer 1 almost knocks into a boomer*
Boomer: LOOK BOTH WAYS!!!!
*Boomer walks away really fast*
* Non boomer 1 and non boomer 2 turn to each other *
Non boomer 1: That woman walked away so fast I didn’t even get a chance to say “Ok boomer” !
Non boomer 2: I know right!

19👍 30👎

Mrs .Strolle

The terrifying I.T lady who won't let you eat on the couch in the hall. She is probably part pterodactyl, an evil sorceress, and shapeshifter. Will turn anyone who has anything but an Apple computer into a shitty loner computer. she hates her husband and turned him into a loner computer because he bought a chrome book on black Friday.

* student eating on the couch in the hall*
Student 1: what class is next?
*both students see Mrs strolle coming*

* both students jump off the couch onto the floor and act normal*
* Mrs .Strolle walks past *
Both students say in unison: thank god